Friday, February 17, 2006

New Bio

New Bio

I've got a birthday coming up Monday, and I figured this was as good a time as any to update the bio I've got over on the sidebar.

I enlisted the help of a few friends. So far, only one has taken me up on the challenge, but he came through like gangbusters.

Joebo's biography

Your name:

Big Old Badass Joe

Where did we meet?

In Pre-Calculus class in senior year at the highly-esteemed McMinn County High School

Take a stab at Tommy's middle name


Does Tommy believe in God?

Tommy doesn't have a commonly-held belief system, though I hate to break it to him. Tommy believes in many gods which are organized in a very complex hierarchy, with the American Dream Dusty Rhodes sitting high above all other lesser gods. Superman and the Fonz being very high up, but their exact place is only known to Tommy and changes quite often based on Tommy's violent mood swings.

How long have you known Tommy?

For freaking years man.

What was your first impression of Tommy upon meeting?

I thought "there's a handsome fellow."

Color of Tommy's eyes:

The color only a mother could love.

Does Tommy have any siblings?

Indeed he does: a sister who has lead (as far as I know) a normal life up to this point and a brother the family doesn't mention much. He went on to become the body that housed "Krang" in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Everyone thought that thing was a robot, but nope.....Tommy's brother. Don't know what I'm talking about? That's a good thing, but here's a link:

Scroll down a bit and you'll figure it out. But scroll down some more and holy mama mia!!! That's Shredder with his mask off. Now, aren't you glad you read this? You're damn right you are.

What's one of Tommy's favorite things to do

Tommy, though he might be surprised I know this, will climb a tree and sit there for hours on end, no portable music, no books; he just likes to survey the land and see what's a comin'.

Do you remember one of the first things Tommy said to you?

In a really uncomfortable way, he suggested that if I liked having legs, I might consider finding a different desk (in precalculus). He didn't want the new kid sitting next to him. I stood (sat) my ground and I think he respected that. Though I guess my legs could still be in for it ten years later.

What's Tommy's favorite type of music?

The collected tribal music of Central to South Africa and who isn't really? That's good stuff.

What is the best feature about Tommy?

Tommy, can recite any verse from the Bible. You throw out a book name, a chapter and verse number and he'll spit it out. Thing is, he'll get the story a little off, like when Jesus turned the fish into wine, or put a shocking twist in there, like Noah really was molesting those poor animals, or a conspiracy theory like how God always favored women and you could see it most in the Old Testament, or just a little quote you know doesn't belong like "Did you make this wine, Jesus?"

Is Tommy shy or outgoing?

Tommy is.

Is Tommy a rebel or does Tommy follow the rules:

Tommy is really anal about rules, but not really.

What's your favorite memory of Tommy?

Well, there are many, but the time we went to Roane State CC for a competition and we envisioned ourselves harassing some (scarily in good shape male and female) cheerleaders during their routine. We knew the results would involve high pitch screaming (by us) and flailing of arms. But that never happened, just the planning. And that's worth something. Coming back on the bus, we stared at the people stuck behind us and made them uncomfortable.

Then there was the time Robocop attacked us, Robocop was right to do so - completely within his rights, TRUST me, but I wasn't a big fan of the attack on me by Robocop. Tommy came to my defense and absolutely whipped Robocop's ass.

Absolutely no shit there: Whipped. His. Ass.

Something about, "you're a panzy robot without that gun. Like Data from Star Trek NG" Robocop, of course, disagreed. He put the gun down and Tommy fought dirtier than I could ever imagine. Robocop was never the same, but still a pretty good cop regardless. I always forget to thank Tommy for that; if it hadn't been for him, I would be one roughed up feller.

Any special talents:

Tommy is one of the finest gymnasts in East Tennessee. That doesn't say too much considering gymnastics, or "The Devil's Tomfoolery" isn't big in these parts, but Tommy holds his own with many in the continental US. He isn't the best mind you, but he can give the pummel horse what for. Also, his dance routines garner him special acclaim all over the world, but I didn't need to tell you that, did I?

If there was one good nickname for Tommy, what would it be?

If there _was_ a good nickname for Bigstupidtommy Earl "Sue" Acuff, I suppose it would be Sally.

If you and Tommy were stranded on a desert island, what is the one thing Tommy would bring?

A framed picture of James Brown doing the splits and sweaty as hell. I'm just kidding; that's silly. Tommy's very practical, so a photo album of James Brown in various poses, including (obviously) the one I mentioned the first time.


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