We're coming up on The Day of the Sacred Turkey, and all I have to say is that some of you people need to learn how to drive on the interstate.

Here's a quick recipe for those in a state of panic over what to serve tomorrow:

Tommy's Quick Cranberry Stuffing

You'll Need:

1 medium size pan of cornbread.
1 large onion
1 chicken breast, torn to pieces
1 15 oz. box Raisin Bran
2 slices provolone cheese
1 gallon milk
1 package jelly beans (with the black jelly beans removed)
1 large bottle olive oil
1 flounder
1 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. yeast
1 tsp. chili powder
1 tsp. dillweed
1 barrel mountain oysters
1 six pack of Canadian Beer (Biere)

1. Take one beer from six pack. Drink it.
2. Preheat oven as high as it will go.
3. Get a big old bowl. Pour the cornbread and the raisin bran into it. Mix with blender on high.
4. Chop up the onion, add it to the mixture.
5. Open another beer.
6. Pour in almost half of the gallon of milk.
7. Put the mixture into a pan. Put it in the oven for 8 minutes, 15 seconds. No more, no less.
8. Take the pan out of the oven. Use an oven mitt, you fool.
9. Cool hand with a cold beer.
10. Turn oven down to 350 degrees.
11. Put cheese on top of mixture.
12. Add dillweed, cinnamon, yeast and chili powder.
13. Stir in the jelly beans. Did you remove the black jelly beans? Mail those to Big Stupid Tommy.
14. Place Flounder in a blender with the remaining milk from the jug
15. Drink another beer.
16. Pour into the pan.
17. Putthe whole shebang back in the oven.
18. Let cook for 4 hours, or until fire alarm goes off.
19. Drink the rest of your beer. Watch TV. Dare somebody to eat the Mountain Oysters.
19. Remove the pan from the oven, using your uninjured hand.
19. Scrape the mixture out of the pan. You may need a trowel.
20. Eat.

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Comments? Questions? Nothing Else to do? E-Mail Big Stupid Tommy at atclown@yahoo.com