Friday, November 11, 2005

Can I just call in sick?

Can I just call in sick?

See, some dude up Farragut's been getting voices from God.

He says New York, Atlanta, Washington, Las Vegas and San Francisco will be destroyed today. Some kind of Wrath of God type stuff. I'd kinda like to stay home from work, and watch it on TeeVee, if I could. Although I'm sure they'll re-run it for weeks....

I wonder what time. Will I be able to get a little sleep between now and then?

I have two other things to say about this...

We've narrowed down God's allegiance to either the Phillies or the Marlins. He's hedging his bets, I think, as he's annihilating the rest of the National League East today. I mean, wasn't it enough to get Mike Piazza out from behind the plate with the Mets and to send Leo Mazzone to the American League?


If and when I become King, I'm going to make a law that says when you come out in public and make a pronouncement such as this, where you predict the utter destruction of five major cities, all because you say God's pissed off...if you're right, you get the finest meats and cheeses for all the rest of your life. I mean, it's the least we can do since God wasn't so kind as to send you something like Lottery numbers or something like that. Think of it as Earthly Compensation for your Heavenly Gift.

But if you're wrong, you lose your rights. See, personally, I believe that we can all talk to God, but God speaks to a tremendously select few ("the American Dream" Dusty Rhodes being foremost among them). But it's hard for us, Joe America, to say who's getting the word and who isn't.

So, if those five cities don't get destroyed as Mr. Gilmore says, then Mr. Gilmore doesn't get to speak in public anymore. You don't get to vote. You don't get to further influence public thought. You lose your rights as a citizen.

I'd ensure this by cutting out your tongue and cutting off your fingers. I figure if you make extreme pronouncements designed to incite fear based solely on your belief that God's speaking through you, then you need to be able to put some sort of collateral down. As it stands now, if New York and Atlanta and the other cities make it though fine today, John Gilmore doesn't have anything to lose. Aside what little face he's got.

But he's able to proceed with his life pretty much as it always was. There's little to no risk in making apocalyptic claims.

But I figure if I take his tongue and fingers, it keeps him from being able to spread this manner of bullsnot ever again.

It's an extreme case, and I'm not even saying that anybody is giving this guy the least amount of credit. But it continually bugs me to see the lunatic fringe get any press time, here lately. If I had to pin down what's wrong with our country in a nutshell, it's that we give entirely too much credit and press to those with extreme views. Granted, this is just one idiot up in Farragut in part using religion as a platform to spread his political views.

I don't think he deserves WVLT's precious time.

I mean, aren't there puppies to be given away? I think TV and press time would best be utilized by giving away puppies who don't have homes.

(There is probably something to this whole thing where I give precious, precious blog time to this Gilmore Girl guy, but if there ain't just call me a conundrum laying-mofo, or utilize some old saying involving a pot and a kettle, whichever you think best applies...)

So. Set your watches. The End of the World begins today.

Or it doesn't.

Only Virgil Runnels knows for sure.


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