Wrestlemaniac

Wrestlemaniac

Well campers, I'm out the door, on my way to Detroit by way of Chattanooga and Nashville.

A couple Wrestlemania predictions:

1. For some reason, I like Jeff Hardy to win the Money in the Bank Ladder Match, perhaps taking the title shot right out of his brother Matt's hands--I have no logical reason to say this, but I smell a Matt/Jeff feud down the road.

2. Expect the Undertaker to win Batista's World Title. Batista's got a book coming out, and it wouldn't be prudent to throw those sales down the toilet. And ending Taker's 14-0 Wrestlemania streak? You'll never hear a crowd turn on somebody like they would on Batista.

3. I see Shawn walking out with John Cena's title. I also see another Shawn/Triple H feud down the road. Not as early as Summerslam, but down the road, after Triple H returns.

As far as personal predictions? I've never been to a wrestling show with 70,000 people. That'll be new. Never been to Detroit. Never kissed a redhead. Though that last one, I have no real reason to think that might change. The other two, we'll rectify. We'll holler at you guys early next week.

Just a thought

Just a thought

I wonder how many auto accidents are caused a year when a bee/wasp/hornet/other stinging nasty flies into a car. I've never actually wrecked, but I can think of a couple occasions in my time where it quickly entered into the realm of possibility. I've done a post about being in the drive-thru line at the McDonald's, but there wasn't much a possibility of dying a flaming, screaming death sitting in the drive-thru line (unless you count that as one of the possible outcomes of eating McDonald's food).

When you get down to it, I'm a big advocate of driving with your full attention on the road. I'm completely against little things like cell-phone use, eating a whole barbecued chicken or changing a CD while driving. So you can imagine how I feel about driving with one (or multiple) stinging insects buzzing about your head.

Simply stated, it's nigh impossible to drive with a buzzing harbinger of searing pain bouncing himself into a frenzied state of madness against your back window, measured scant inches from your eyes, mouth and testicles.

Not that I drive with my testicles exposed. Much. The increased probability of being stung there is actually a big reason why I wear pants at all, but especially when driving.

Now that I think about it, the only thing that comes to mind as "worse than suddenly finding a bee in your car" would be "finding a snake in your car."

You know that time in Raiders of the Lost Ark when Indiana Jones is scared by the snake in the plane? It would be a lot like that, except I'm generally not directed by Spielberg, and no part of my life has ever been documented in a movie that's landed on the IMDB's top 250. Yet.

I think that if I were driving down the road, and I looked down and I saw a snake writing on the floorboard of my truck, that would be impetus enough to abandon ship. It wouldn't matter if I were acting as chauffeur for Betty White in the middle of the Daytona 500, you'd see my big ass suddenly fly out of the driver's side door, and go rolling along the road--which would suck, especially in a restrictor plate race.

And if that happened, Tony Stewart would probably run me over, and laugh while he's doing it.

Anyway. How many accidents a year do you think are caused by stinging insects flying into a car? One? Thirteen? A Billion Bajillion?

I'd bet on thirteen, but my Amish heritage prevents my gambling on matters of death and automotive destruction.

I need to point out that Professor Eric's post here was the seed for this tree of thought. Go blame him.

Edit: Look at this shit!!! I would say that a ribcage crushing snake is measurably more frightening and distracting than a wasp.

Also, let me say that I think a good rule of thumb for boa constrictors is "No Rides in Cars." No matter how much he whines and begs, no matter how much he looks at you with those big, sad boa constrictor eyes, no matter how much he sits on your feet and wags his little boa constrictor tail, you tell him No! No Rides for Boa Constrictors. Even when he makes a move to get into the car, you tell him No in a firm voice, and perhaps swat him with a newspaper. No rides for boa constrictors.

Good Ol' J.R.

Good Ol' J.R.

Jim Ross thanks the fans after we learned he'd be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame this weekend. It's fitting. I commented over there that J.R.'s the voice of wrestling, when I hear it in my head (which is pretty much all my waking hours).

It's a lot like how Harry Caray and Steve Stone always will be the sound of Cubs baseball, me being the WGN kid of the 80's that I am.

I'd looked into going to the Hall of Fame ceremony this weekend, but didn't want to pay more for a ticket to the ceremony than I'd end up paying for my seat at the Wrestlemania show itself.

Lost

Lost

Just a note on tonight's Lost...it was a little telegraphed, but I give them credit for actually following through with it. Very Poe. Very Tales from the Crypt. I liked this one more than any this season....

Recommendation

Recommendation

Just want to take a second to recommend something I picked up the other day.

This is one of the finest pieces of comic literature that I've ever read.

Pride of Baghdad's about lions who are freed from a zoo in Baghdad when the city is bombed by coalition forces. The story takes place in the hours and days following the beginning of the attack.

I don't want to say too much, because it's a simply (but beautifully) constructed story.

But it's been literally years since I've let myself get so wrapped up in a comic story...to just so completely buy in to what's going on. And I've never had one leave me feeling so emotionally hollow when it's done.

Give it a look. In my opinion, it's one of the most eloquent pieces ever put forth in the medium.

Detroit

Detroit

Some of you strutted like prize chickens the other day, thinking that you'd spotted the lie in this post. Believe it or not, I am going to Detroit as part of my vacation.



There's a little get-together that I've always wanted to go to.

It's a small thing. But when I was a little guy, I always wanted to go to Wrestlemania. After I got to the age that I could, I didn't. Time, money, logistics kept me from doing it. Just kept putting it off.

Didn't want to put it off anymore.

So. Going to Wrestlemania. Which is in Detroit this year, to mark the 20th anniversary in the city of arguably the biggest Wrestling show in history.

I'll have a couple extra thoughts on this before I fly out Friday, but going to Detroit is the honest truth.

(The lie in that post comes in my statement that I use my unabridged dictionary to solve arguments....I generally use it as a bludgeon, usually to start arguments)

Satisfaction

Satisfaction



If I accomplish nothing else during my vacation week, I think I can live satisfied with the fact that today I ate sausage made from kangaroo.

Edit: I couldn't find the Kangaroo Stick on the Beef Jerky Outlet of Tennessee's site, but I did find the Ostrich and Alligator blends that I bought in addition to my kangaroo stick. Given the nature of the previous post, it should come as no surprise at just how overjoyed I was to find a Beef Jerky Outlet within easy driving distance.

In which I haven't posted for a week

In which I haven't posted for a week...

No posting for a week? Hmmm. I'll now use this time to enumerate those things that have kept me away from the interweb:

1. Comcast's "service," and lack thereof.

2. A trip to Nashville, Murfreesboro and all points in between.

3. I actually wrote, in parts of my time off last week, and made a conscious decision not to sit in front of the computer screen and not produce anything.

4. I ate some of Good Ol' J.R.'s hottest variety of beef jerky "Slobberknocker Heat." I was so surprised by just how friggin' hot this beef jerky is that my head jerked back and hit the bookshelf that sat directly behind my chair. The impact caused several books to fall from the highest shelf, including the unabridged dictionary I use to solve arguments and crush rodents. The impact was tremendous, and I fell. In the process, I grabbed the bookshelf for balance. The bookshelf, all nine feet of it, teetered and toppled on top of yours, truly.

I laid there for three days, my head wedged between the third shelf and a copy of Joseph Heller's Catch-22, all the while appreciating the poetic justice of my jerking reaction to a product called "jerky." On that third day, the neighbors finally heard my cries for help when I switched my tact from screams of "Oh My God I Gotta Pee!" (which was true), to "Oh My God I Peed Myself!" to the more traditional "Help. Please Help!"

The firemen came and freed me, and gave me a lecture about safety in the home. Then they asked stupid, prying questions like "Was the only thing keeping you from pushing the shelf off of you the fact that you refused to let go your grip on the beef jerky?" I tried to explain that my jerky might have spilled and sat on the floor for longer than the five-second rule would allow. I screamed that "Beef Jerky is Expensive!"

They took my beef jerky, for safety reasons, they said, but I think it was mostly because I decided to punctuate each shout that "Beef Jerky is Expensive" by smacking the firefighter in the face with the bag.

I just hope there's somebody to pull the bookshelves off the firefighters, because I know that they're just sitting there in their palatial firehouses, eating my Slobber Knockeringly hot beef jerky.

The beef jerky is just that friggin' hot.

So. No posting.

I'm on vacation this week. I'm heading to Detroit later in the week, but there should be some posting in between.

Gracias,

El Pollo Diablo.

Jeopardy

Jeopardy

Gunny sent me this, and this weekend, I watched a few backlogged episodes of Jeopardy on Tivo saw it again, and every news and entertainment show all weekend has had something to say about the three guys on Jeopardy who tied at the end of the Final Jeopardy round for the first time in the show's history.



What I've tried to figure out is why the champion bet what he did on the final question.

I've not set my mind, but this morning, I feel like he bet what he did prior to Final Jeopardy in the hopes that the situation came to pass. For the novelty of it all, I reckon. Can't say for sure.

Or did he just have a brain fart in his cyphering, and forget to go a dollar more than $16,000?

Can anybody hear or read his lips what he says to the guy next to him right before he reveals his answer? I think the truth lies therein.

Also, I want to say that if they ever made a movie of this moment, in order from right to left (challengers to champion), this is who I think should play the guys: Edward James Olmos, Jon Favreau and Jude Law, in a bad wig and glasses.

Failing Jude Law, I think they could probably dig up that guy who played Arvid on Head of the Class.

And of course, Will Ferrell should play Alex Trebek, and no Jeopardy movie would be complete without an appearance by Darrell Hammond:

Post Number 2500: In which I make a promise

Post Number 2500: In which I make a promise

2500 posts. How about that?

In this the 2500th post, I'd like to talk briefly about a dream I had the other night. In the dream, I was working in Africa. Laying sod, is what I told people, though at no point in the dream did I do anything of the sort.

I'm part of a group that's working over there, (all of us some manner of landscapers, I would reckon). And the other workers were getting antsy because the local warlord was picking workers off with his "Lion Grenades."

Don't know what Lion Grenades are, but in my dream I accepted it as the scary threat that it sounds like.

That warlord, by the way, was played in my dream by Djimon Hounsou.

I remember that part because the first time I see the warlord in my dream, I say "he's being played by Djimon Hounsou."

I remember little else in the dream, except for the one point I'm driving my pickup truck (which I've apparently taken with me to Africa), and I realize I'm being chased by Djimon Hounsou, who's driving his specialized jeep, which is festooned with bayonets (and, one would assume, lion grenades).

Many bayonets, however. Such was the subject of my consternation, especially as I suddenly found myself standing on the carport of the house I lived in when I was a toddler, with Djimon Hounsou's Bayonet Jeep bearing down upon me.

Luckily for me (and you, the reader), I woke up. (I think).

Then and there, lying in my room, lit only by the dimmest green of my alarm clock's display, I decided that 7 pounds of cheddar cheese slathered with Grey Poupon mustard is probably not the best method of halting that late night hunger.

But to this point in my 30 years on this planet, I've not found many a better way, either.

Thank you folks, and y'all have a good night.

St. Patrick's Day Re-Run

St. Patrick's Day Re-run

From March of 2004:

St. Patrick's Day

It's not been a good one folks.

I didn't wear green, last night. The co-worker I scared last week got his revenge by punching my arm every time he saw me, and telling me I should have worn green. I kept telling him he was doing St. Patrick's Day wrong, but he didn't believe me.

And then, I got home and was going to make the traditional BSTommy St. Paddy's Day Breakfast (Scrambled Eggs), and in the midst of tranferring that feast from frying pan to plate, I managed to drop the sunsabitches on the floor.

Given the general disrepair of the BSTommy Compound, I decided that the 5-Second Rule did not apply, and I put my eggs down the garbage disposal.

Then, things got really bad.

As I turned away from the sink, I caught a little movement out of the corner of my eye. It was smallish, and running along the baseboard, under the table.

Jeezus, I said. That was a big mouse!

And then I saw it run behind the garbage can. Yeah. Too big to be a mouse. Begorrah! I've got a rat. I cussed a green streak (in honor of the holiday).

Watching to make sure it didn't run under the cabinet, I slowly took the hammer out of the junk drawer, grabbed the trash can, jerked it away from the wall, and I attacked!

I'll give myself a little credit. I displayed some surprising agility and quickness for a big man. And some deadeye hand-eye coordination.

One bop with a hammer. And it was dead.

But it wasn't until I'd had a moment to breathe, to see what exactly this bleeding dead thing exactly for what it was.

It was an animal, and it was smaller than a breadbox, but the 20 question similarities diverge there.

The smoldering remains of its pipe lay broken in two by its side. It's little green hat and coat were now turning a remarkable shade of crimson. One tiny shoe with a little silver buckle had come flying off its foot, and had come to rest by my own giant-sized-by-comparison hoof.

I kept looking at its beard. It's remarkable red beard. Which was now two remarkable shades of red.

Rats don't have beards. Nor do they smoke pipes or wear little green coats. Or tiny black shoes with silvery buckles on them. No, rats certainly do not.

But Leprechauns bleed the reddest blood of all.

I don't think this is going to fare well for me. The Notre Dame football team came over about an hour ago and beat the snot out of me.

There are a whole boatload of snakes writhing around the apartment now, all of them speaking of deep brogues and cursing haven been driven from their homeland.

And, with apologies to Frank Cho, I think I've contracted Potato Famine.

And the worst part? The leprechaun was protecting his pot of gold, which was hidden in the BSTommy Compound. In my sock drawer, no less. The two little guys who came to get their friend took the pot of gold, too...mentioning in passing its value of nearly $13 million.

No folks. It ain't been a good one at all.

For the Brother-in-Law

For the Brother-in-Law

This is more for his entertainment, than anything. From last night's VCU victory over Duke--a phantom flop:

Movie Meme

Movie Meme

Seen at Sheila's.

1. Name a movie that you have seen more than 10 times.

Off the top of my head:

Star Wars
Empire Strikes Back
Return of the Jedi
Shawshank Redemption
Pulp Fiction
Reservoir Dogs
Blazing Saddles
Young Frankenstein
The Goonies
Karate Kid
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Monty Python and the Meaning of LIfe
Arsenic and Old Lace
Dr. Strangelove
Ghostbusters
Glory
Batman (the 1989, Michael Keaton/Jack Nicholson versrion that one of the kids at work had the temerity to call "an old movie" the other day...same kid had never seen Raiders of the Lost Ark...)

There are others, I'm sure, but I've seen those on the list dozens of times.

2. Name a movie that you’ve seen multiple times in the theater.

There are a few, but I think the one that takes the cake was that old movie Batman, which I saw 5 the summer it came out.

Others: I saw Braveheart twice in the theaters. I saw Christmas Vacation twice--I'd already seen it, but didn't want to accompany my Dad and Sister into The Little Mermaid, so I saw it again.

When they re-released the original Star Wars trilogy, I saw thsoe a couple times each.

Most recently was Pan's Labyrinth, which is one I think I'll like more every time I see it....

3. Name an actor that would make you more inclined to see a movie.

I have three words for you: Joe. Don. Baker.

Also: Wilford Brimley.

And: Lassie.

(Or, I could be honest and say Morgan Freeman, or Edward Norton, or Kate Winslet, or Keira Knightley)

4. Name an actor that would make you less likely to see a movie.

Rob Schneider.

Adam Sandler, if he can't get away from those fuckin' sappy endings.

5. Name a movie that you can and do quote from.

O Brother Where Art Thou?

In fact, if you really look, most everything I say is from O Brother Where Art Thou?

6. Name a movie musical that you know all of the lyrics to all of the songs

I will write a grand total of three sentences here, the first two declarative, the last imperative.

I can sing every song from Annie.

Shut the fuck up.

7. Name a movie that you have been known to sing along with

Aside from occasionally singing along with O Brother Where Art Thou, there's not a whole lot that comes to mind

edit: My senior year in high school, we sang pieces from Lion King for chorus. A couple years ago, it was watched at a family get-together, and I realized I still knew all the songs.

Hakuna Matata.

8. Name a movie that you would recommend everyone see.

You know, if you haven't seen Contact, do yourself the favor.

9. Name a movie that you own.

Because it doesn't get enough play in today's world, I'd simply like to mention that I own Best of the Best, which is absolutely the very best bad karate movie ever made. I mean, I know a cast where Eric Roberts and Chris Penn get billing over James Earl Jones just screams beautiful cinema.

10. Name an actor that launched his/her entertainment career in another medium but who has surprised you with his/her acting chops.

The first couple that spring to mind are Kris Kristofferson and Queen Latifah. Both have a weird charisma about them.

What about Mark Wahlberg, does he count? Marky Mark's actually another of my favorites.

All of those guys are great.

But Dude. Roddy Piper is The Shit in They Live.

11. Have you ever seen a movie in a drive-in? If so, what?

Oh hells yeah. I'm a big drive-in movie fan. Midway Drive-In's about 6 miles from my house. It'll be opening in a month or so.

12. Ever made out in a movie?

And boy was Bea Arthur pissed.

13. Name a movie that you keep meaning to see but just haven’t yet gotten around to it.

You know, I've had both The 39 Steps and The Wild Bunch on my Netflix Queue since I rejoined, and they keep getting bumped. I just moved them to the front of the list.


14. Ever walked out of a movie?

It's gotta be a SHITTY movie for me to walk out. I've left movies a couple of times when there were techinical issues. I went to a different showing of Pirates of the Caribbean when they couldn't get the projector right. I asked for my money back when a copy of Ocean's 12 kept shutting off any time the reel changed.

15. Name a movie that made you cry in the theater.

I was made fun of for a LONG time after The Green Mile. Why it bothered me so much that they killed the large black man with the initials JC, I couldn't tell you. But damn.

16. Popcorn?

Yes.

17. How often do you go to the movies (as opposed to renting them or watching them at home)?

I go in spurts. I've actually caught a couple in the past week (Reno 911! Miami, which disappointed, and 300, which I liked quite a bit)

Problem is, I'm more than a half-hour from a decent theater (I'm snobbish, and won't patronize the two in town, the first because of the aforementioned Oceans 12 problem, and the second because although the folks who run it are nice, it's falling apart, and always seems to have half the speakers out).

18. What’s the last movie you saw in the theater?

300. Like I said, I really liked it. Not the groundbreaking thing that it was being touted as. But I liked it.

19. What’s your favorite/preferred genre of movie?

Smart, goofy comedies that don't have to focus on your Adam Sandlers or Jim Carreys of the world.

And I've got a special place for disaster movies.

20. What’s the first movie you remember seeing in the theater?

I remember seeing Yoda on the big screen. So I must have been three, and was taken to see Empire Strikes Back. The first one I remember, for a fact, seeing was Star Trek II. When Khan puts the monsters in Chekov and Terrell's ears? Scared the shit out of me. I still have ear issues.

21. What movie do you wish you had never seen?

There are several wastes of time that come to mind, but I can't think of anything that really makes me say "I wish I'd never seen that."

22. What is the weirdest movie you enjoyed?

I don't like this question. Instead, I'll talk about telling a guy at my viewing of 300 to get off his cell phone. He was on his cellphone. In a movie. First, whispering. Then text-messaging. I didn't get nearly as mad as the guy behind him, who I really thought was going to make the cell phone guy eat his phone.

23. What is the scariest movie you’ve seen?

When I was a kid, Poltergeist scared the ever breathing fuck out of me. I cannot put it into words.

Also, the John Lithgow/Terror at 30,000 feet segment of The Twilight Zone movie bothered me when I was little.

Later in life, I was surprised by one. Having lived a great deal of my life out in the woods, I was creeped out in a most unexpected way by The Blair Witch Project.

The Ring also was frightening.

Misery, going back a bit. Misery is a scary, scary flick. Kathy Bates gets all the credit in the world for that.

24. What is the funniest movie you’ve seen?

It's hard to say. The top few: Young Frankenstein, Blazing Saddles, This is Spinal Tap, Stripes, Super Troopers, Life of Brian, Coming to America, Clerks.

Borat gets a tentative placement. But it takes repeated viewings to go to the top of the list.

A realization

A realization

I just realized that I don't like time changes. I wish they would pick one, either daylight savings or standard, and stick with it.

That is all.

Sunday Classic

Sunday Classic

Okay. Here's teh deal. After 11 weeks of what amounts to utter bullshit from co-workers and management, it's finally looking like we're about to get a full crew at work. It's looking like I might finally get a little bit of down time, and free time in the mornings to write.

I wrote some this morning. Not on the novel project I started back in November. I'm spending today re-reading that, to see if I can figure out where I was and where I wanted to go. And even if I can't figure out where I wanted to go, I'll start a new path.

Until then, I thought I'd post a classic. This is one of my favorite things on Earth. God bless the interweb.

#3

#3

Milestone time, spidermaniacs:

On this date, the eighth of March, in the year of our Lord 2007, I was the #3 site brought up by Google, when searching the phrase Big Tits Tommy.

God Bless America.

I will offer thanks tonight to the American Dream Dusty Rhodes, in the form of Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls left on the hearth of the fireplace.

Which means I've got to get cracking building a fireplace. And a hearth.

(I will also leave carrots for his reindeers [which means I have to go buy carrots]).

Earworm

Earworm

Heard this one on the radio the other morning as bumper music for one of the sports talk shows out of Knoxville. It's been in my head ever since. It's a cool video, though.

Bad News Brown

Bad News Brown

Cruising the interweb, and we find out tonight that former WWF superstar Bad News Brown has passed away.

Last I'd heard, he was working mall security, or something in that neighborhood, and that he'd gained quite a bit of weight since his days terrorizing Miss Elizabeth, Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage. All of which made me smile, the idea of a 300+ pound, bald black man, wearing nothing but fingerless gloves and black wrestling trunks, twirling a nightstick as he sauntered around the mall, telling people to get their shit in gear.

But now he's dead. Do you think they buried him in the fingerless gloves and black wrestling trunks?

Because if that's how I were remembered, that's how I'd want to be buried. Just in case, a hundred generations from now, they found my corpse and needed some authentication as to whether I was the legendary Bad News Brown or not.

Add it to the list

Add it to the list
Add this to the list of things I am tired of, bored with or otherwise pissed at:

This thing where we can't talk about a word and say the word, I'm tired of it.

Now, I grant you, I'm a middle class white guy, but I'm of the opinion that if we're really truly intent on having a frank discussion on the word "nigger," we'll never get there if we're resorting to euphemism, and having adults crutch themselves up on the phrase "The N Word."

There will never be a frank dialog about the state of relations between a group of people if you are constantly skirting around certain words with negative connotations. Facing the ugliness underlying the word, to me, should be priority one, if we're going to dig into the issue. I don't know about you, but if I hear somebody discussing the semantics of the word "nigger," I lose a lot of respect if they say "The N Word." And that frank discussion will never come the minute I lose that respect.

We're not children. If you think it's an ugly word, putting a cover over it doesn't make it any less of an ugly word. I paraphrase George Carlin: It's not the word that's the problem...it's the bigot sitting in his living room that's the problem.

And I don't say that because I particularly want the word nigger flung around. I also think it's an ugly word.

But somehow, it's like we're refusing to face the issue if you keep avoiding and trying to ban the word.

Hiding the word doesn't remove the ugliness.

It's a simplistic post and a sentiment presented many times before by many more eloquent than yours, truly. Mostly I'm tired of my local news doing stories on it, making themselves sound like overgrown, overly shushed children by saying "The N Word" whilst I'm waiting to watch the local weather. I wanna know if it's gonna rain, you asswipes. Get to the weatherguy, and quit trying to make me believe that taking the word out of the lexicon takes away the ugliness in the hearts of people.

That, or show a story about girls in bikinis, or that video of a monkey washing a cat.

edit: got a comment chiding that "This is nothing new," as if I've never watched teevee or studied media before. If it were new, I wouldn't be tired of it.

Also, we don't often feel the need to make news stories out of the word "shit" or "fuck," do we? If we did, I'd feel the same way those bullshit, cheap heat news stories that I do about ones about "The N Word," which generally are designed more to incite than help.

The commentor left a link as his identity to The United Voices which, to my mind, proves my point entirely. I can empathize with the intent, but by using the phrasing "the n-word" it complete invalidates and delegitimizes your stance, in my eyes.

Like I said, there are those who can speak more eloquently to it than I can. But hiding from the word nigger doesn't make it go away.

My thinking on the whole deal is that if we all concentrated a little more on being "Americans" instead of "White Americans" or "African Americans" or "Jewish Americans" or "Samoan Americans," and a little less on what names we're calling ourselves and each other, we'd get a little further along.

Lastly, I'd like to debate the commentor on naming the very worst profanity of all.

I tend to think the words "World Champion St. Louis Cardinals" is much more offensive.

Reno 911: Miami

Reno 911: Miami

Damn. That was disappointing. When I heard that they were making a movie, and then that all the old cast members of The State would also show up, I was stoked.

Disappointing, though. It suffers from what a lot of SNL movies suffer from--there's just not enough energy to carry an hour and a half worth of movie in the characters or situations. It's all very skitty, and this flick seemed to dwell on jokes a lot longer than was funny.

Plus there was one really offputting moment when I realized that the necktie Patton Oswalt's character was wearing was one of the very same I have. Somehow, I could not look away from the necktie, and I hoped that I look a lot more like the badass I imagine I am in my necktie than how Patton looked in his.

That whole SNL movie thing I mention actually makes me a little nervous about the Aqua Teen Hunger Force and even the Simpsons movies, later this year. The Aqua Teens don't make episodes longer than 15 or 20 minutes. And the Simpsons haven't put together a consistently funny series of episodes for longer than I'd care to admit. Can they put together something worth watching for an hour and a half?

I'll say this, though. Somehow, that Simpsons trailer is really, really pretty up on the big screen.

Today's Funny

Today's Funny

I won't lie to you, campers. I'm going through a rough stretch, and today was just a gurgling turd of a day. Nothing horrible. Nobody's sick or dying. Just tiresome, and I'm just overtired. I'll say this, and say it hopeful that it doesn't sound too much like it comes from some 14 year-old goth girl's myspace page: There's not a part of my life that isn't frustrating me to some extent here lately.

I'll snap out of it. Always do. In the meantime, Fark had this video, and I spent a lot of this evening of this totally fucked day laughing. Head over to Lone Sausage for a lot of really great stuff.