Leap Day ReRun

Leap Day ReRun

From the "My Don't Time Fly" files....this one was written for the last Leap Day we had....at a point where I'd been keeping this cotton picking blog for a mere year and a half....

So, a few thoughts on Leap Year:


You know, our culture's got a huge mad-on for days that happen once a year. Fourth of July. Thanksgiving. Super Sunday. I mean, we start getting ready for Christmas five months in advance.

You'd think the furor surrounding February 29th, the day that happens once every four years, would be four times as big. Maybe it's my math that's faulty.

(Voice in my head: Yeah...it's your math that's faulty...)

But you'd figure there'd be parades, and games, and prizes and rides. A nation...nay, International...Day of Celebration.

Facts compiled by Joanne Mamenta, found in the Tennessean:

--If it's your birthday today, you're one of 187,000 leap day babies in the U.S., and 4.1 million worldwide.

--Why do we have leap year? To keep the calendar in line with the seasons. The article asks if I want to see it snowing in September. Yes. Yes I do.

--The Egyptians were the first to come up with the idea of the leap year. Later, the Romans adopted this solution, and designated Feb 29 as leap day.

--Leap year became the traditional time for women to propose marriage to men. According to English law, Feb 29 was ignored, and had no legal status. Folks assumed the time's stricter rules of courtship went out the window, such as the taboo on her asking for his hand in marriage.

--A few leap year babies: Dinah Shore, singer-songwriter Gretchen Christopher and rapper Ja Rule.

--It's also Superman's Birthday.

A few other facts about leap day, that may or may not be true:

--In Wyoming, each citizen is entitled to one pre-meditated murder, without fear of criminal prosecution, on Leap Day. You must be a natural born citizen of Wyoming.

--Ricardo Montalban invented Leap Year, Leap Day, and the Cotton Gin.

--Your chance of being born on February 29 is one in 3.1 billion.

--Children born on Leap Day have wondrous, magical powers. These powers include, but are not limited to: Flight, Telepathy, Transmigration of the Soul, X-Ray Vision, Blaster Heinie, Healing Factor, Big Wings out of the Back, Optic Blasts, Manipulation of the Weather, Communication with God(s), Invulnerability to Advertising, Inability to Recognize Texas, Eye of the Tiger, Gator Jaw, Zombification, Leprousy, Super Speed and Really Big Left Hand.

--Free Will technically does not exist on February 29. Or is it Free Willy?

--Here's a neat trick: Bite the ends of your pinkie fingers. Hard, but not painfully. For about a minute. Then hook them together, and try to pull them apart. That weird, kinda painful feeling in your fingernails? That couldn't have happened without February 29th. I'm not sure how that works.

--It is possible to communicate with each of the dead Presidents of the U.S. on Leap Day. But you have to know the phone number. If you find out what the phone number is, remember that William Henry Harrison's kind of a prick, so don't ask to talk to him. History doesn't teach us all of these things.

--It's best not to leave the house at all on Leap Day.

--The concepts of the "mob mentality" and "mass hysteria" were both invented on Leap Day. But they work any day of the year. But it just feels special on Leap Day.

--The technical name of Leap Day is "Anybody Can Be an Astronaut, Especially You, so Let's All Eat our Quaker Oats and Make a Leap for the Stars" Day. But that won't fit on calendars.

--Mmmm. Leap Day Stew. Secret Ingredient? Hamster.

--The Laws of Thermodynamics have occasionally been known to fall out of whack. For one day, Perpetual Motion is possible. If you have the cash. That's why it's not such a special day. The only two people who could afford a device capable of perpetual motion? Bill Gates, and Ricardo Montalban.

So. Go Enjoy your February 29th. Wish your family Happy Greetings, and enjoy the Leap Day Brunchelsupper. My Leap Day Feast: Broccoli, Carrots, Diet Mt. Dew, 3 Gallons of Water and the Travel Section from the Sunday Paper.

A touch of Link Love

A touch of Link Love...

Steve Silver is the source (for me, leastways) of a couple really cool things.

The first? STeve brings the news that Sean Salisbury is no longer working for ESPN. And while I can't exactly believe that this signals a turn for the better for ESPN....Salisbury was a cog, but not the engine of ESPN's unwatchability...it does my heart good to know that I won't happen across his goofy mug any time soon, should I tune into SportCenter by mistake.

Also, can I just say this? Sean Salisbury calls himself "A Brand..." A brand? Like Scott, or Cottonelle? They're both asswipes, too.

He says he's looking into public speaking....folks, if you're paying to see Sean Salisbury speak, why don't you just give me the $30 bucks, and beat you about the head and shoulders a few times while telling you Pollack jokes. It'll be about the same return on your money, and I could use it more than Salisbury could.

----

Mr. Silver's also responsible for pointing me to this bit of utter genius:

Garfield Minus Garfield. Complete, utter genius. The comic strip Garfield, minus Garfield, becomes astoundingly funny. Laughed myself hoarse....

Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

----

Let me link to Steven's site again. Because he's a pretty cool dude.

McCarthy

McCarthy

Sheila's got a really good post up on Cormac McCarthy's The Road, and I highly recommend you stop by her site to give her thoughts a read. She's been going through her book collection for a few (several?) months now, and I've had to mark so many personal recommendations down that if the end of the world really does come, I doubt I'll run out of reading material before I die, even if I live 73 more years after the fall....

I'd had Cormac McCarthy recommended to me, dating back to college, and possibly before (the late Mrs. Godsey recommended book after book to me, and like the dunce that I am, I didn't write a one of them down to look up later...).

I have a small thing about recommended books. Not a huge thing, as I've probably read a half-dozen of the books Sheila's recommended, and not come away disappointed. But it's still there, when somebody says "You Gotta Read This!!!!" I think I get my hopes up. I don't read it, at least until there's some space. I've come away disappointed a time or seven, so usually I'll wait.

Cormac McCarthy was that way. College professors (including one Professor Kerrick, who wrote the words underneath a grade of "D" on a paper: "I will not tolerate this bullshit...I have no qualms about failing you...."), friends, and one Brother-in-Law.

I'd held off.

Then, back around Christmas, I saw No Country for Old Men. Helluva a movie, even without The Academy saying so a couple nights back. My favorite movie from all last year.

I was smitten by the dialog from the flick, and had to know whether it was The Coens or the source material that had the bigger influence on that....

Turns out, 85% (and as high as 95%) of what's said in the movie is Word for Word from the book.

Difference being: I tend to read too quickly, sometimes. My eye, too trained by reading for facts, is too intent on what's being said, instead of slowing down, savoring, and thinking about how it's being said. That said, McCarthy's prose in No Country is very short, very choppy, with no allowance given for the traditional punctuation of dialog. There were times I found myself bull-rushing through the book, not appreciating what's there on the page as much as I should. That's my bad, and it's something I find myself working on.

I saw the movie before I read the book. I almost wish I hadn't...I kept falling into Javier Bardem's and Tommy Lee Jones' cadences whenever I read their words. Not a horrible thing, because both were pitch-perfect in their performances. I just hate having such a great book painted for me before I got there.

But then, if I hadn't seen the movie, I might not have read the book. It's all good, I reckon.

My point in this digression is that McCarthy gives a lot of credit to the reader to figure out who Llewelyn Moss, Sheriff Bell or Anton Chigurh are. He doesn't tell you who they are. At the end of the day, it's almost as if he doesn't give a shit...he's not gonna help you along.

Sheila calls McCarthy "brutal," and I don't disagree. Very fact-of-the-matter. I've probaby written "terse" more times in the past several minutes than I have the past two years, but there's nothing romantic about what he does when he tells a story. It's a stark difference to my own mind, which seems to want to pour out words like diarrhea more often than not, instead of just getting to the ever-loving point.

And, I'll say this about No Country for Old Men: It's a rare book that I've read, put down, and picked up to read again the very next day. The book is that damn good. I wish I were eloquent enough to be able to sit here and tell you why.

Except that I will say this: It was late in the book that I came to appreciate a couple of finer points in characters that I didn't get when I watched the movie (there are a couple points where Chigurh is a little more philosophic on his roll in life, for instance). When I finished the book, with a better understanding of who these people were...I went back to apply that which I knew to what had happened then....

I've already given the book out as birthday gifts to a couple people. I dig it.

I'll The Road in brief...Sheila does a much better job of speaking on it than I could. I actually bought The Road first. Found it at a used bookstore, for cheap. I'd actually picked it up after seeing it recommended on a list of Post-Apocalyptic classics (The Stand, The Earth Abides, A Canticle for Liebowitz...etc...)

My love for those books comes from the same place as my love for zombie movies, disaster tales, and Krystal hamburgers.

Read the first few pages of it, said "this'll be a rough one..." and put it on the shelf. I was going through a rough couple of weeks, and actually wanted to be entertained a touch more...I needed something a little more escapist than what this son of a buck is.

Picked it back up after I read No Country.

Stark. Frightening. I commented after Sheila's post that I don't have enough distance from it to fairly call it "the scariest book I've ever read," but it's definitely near the top of the list.

As a brief aside...Sheila's attention was drawn to the same word mine was. "Catamite." I'd run across the word only once before, and from the context of this book, I knew it wasn't good. Googled it.

Yeah. Horrid. No words for it horrid.

Anyway. The Road? Powerful. I called it my second-favorite book I read last year (after No Country). Who knows what time will bring, but I have an odd feeling that when I go back to re-read a book several years down the road, I'll probably pick up The Road before I will No Country.

I'm now starting to work my way backward through McCarthy's publishing. Found Blood Meridian and All the Pretty Horses at the used bookstore three blocks from my house the other day...How the heck about that, by the way? In amongst the 300 copies of Patriot Games, the 400 copies of The Firm and 300 copies of The Dark Half, you get a couple by a guy you're really starting to dig.

So. Gonna put a plug on this little bit of wordy mush. Read the books. Go read Sheila's post. Have a good day....

Immortalized

Immortalized

I've said something to this effect before, but I have a feeling my fifteen minutes of fame will come when I am photographed in conjunction with some historic event, not because of my involvement, but rather by the most horrible coincidence.

I don't know what that event will be. Could it be an assassination? Maybe I'll be somewhere in frame in a Jack Ruby/Lee Harvey Oswald confrontation. Or, maybe it'll be more Forrest Gump-like: I'll be in frame at the first swearing-in of a woman president. Or maybe I'll be in the stands as some ballplayer celebrates some momentous occasion....

But regardless of the event, I'll be remembered because of something I'm doing in the picture. Something ridiculous.

In the picture of Alex Rodriguez passing Barry Bonds on the all time homer list, I'll be in the stands, eating a ridiculously sized cone of cotton candy.

Or, in during of the signing of the treaty that finally ends the Cola Wars, I'll be in the foreground, with the remains of the milkshake I had at lunch all over my crotch.

Or, Astronauts return from Mars, and I'm there clapping, and my fly is down, and I've run out of clean underwear that day.

I don't know what the circumstances will be. But, I have no doubt that's where my everlasting fame will come from.

Kinda like this guy.



Yeah. Hadn't even thought of that. That would be bad, too.

An Admission

An Admission

You know that thing, where you're about to fall asleep? When you're right on the foothills of a long night's slumber...not quite asleep, but definitely not awake?

And suddenly you JERK back awake? That weird kick spasm pops from your legs? You might even have a quick dream/vision that you're falling?

I love that.

In which he's living surgeon's hours....

In which he's living surgeon's hours....

Damn. I don't know about you guys, but I'm a candyass. And when I run this many days (lost count) on as little sleep as I've been getting, running as much as I have been....it makes Tommy a dull boy.

And to be honest, I wasn't all that sharp to start with. Think the flat end of a putter, and you're halfway there, Sambo.

Today, there was work. And there was a floor strip, which is never a lot of fun. There's a buzz from the wax and stripping chemicals, but it's not a fun Dean Martin kind of buzz. It's more of a Mickey Rourke, I gotta have this to survive, kinda buzz. With all the inebriation, but no inflated sense of self-worth.

However, there was Sitar food, featuring the creepiest waiter of all time...a post perhaps for when I'm not so ever-loving tired.

And there was Henry Rollins in Knoxville. Which is just a sight to see. Again. Complete with guy tripping balls and having to leave pretty much in the arms of his buddy, who'd taken his friend out under threat of bodily harm from the row behind him....

Heh.

Tired.

Purple Monkey Rutabega.

Edit: Holy Florking Schnit, The Sitar's website is the snazziest thing I've seen outside the year 1998. The website is more exciting than the restaurant itself. They ought to feed you inside the website, if such a thing were possible. I'm not too fluent on this internet jazz, as witnessed by my using pretty much the same template since 2003. If ever there were a site crying out for a "Feed People from the Interweb" web app, it's The Sitar's..

Utterances....

Utterances...

I'm not going to be so bold as to say the sentence has never been spoken. But it was spoken yesterday, during a lunch at the Farmhouse, and it was alien to my ears, even if I was the one speaking it:

"I got pinto beans on my hockey jersey."

I said it mostly because I got pinto beans on the hockey jersey I was wearing at the time.

Honestly. Who serves pinto beans and expects you to eat them with a fork?

Honestly.

Buy me this

Buy me this

It being my birthday yet for another 100 minutes or so, I think you should buy me this.

Cool game.

Also? This game was the focal point of an incident that showed me at my most George Costanza.

On a day off several years back, I went to the arcade at Stones River Mall, and sat my fat butt in the Star Wars Trilogy machine, and resolved to beat the game for the first time. I was close...the second Death Star TIE Fighter battle, if I recall. I'd gained an audience. A kid, maybe 7 or 8 years old, had come along side the game to watch the action.

As I'm fighting the TIE Fighters, I see in my peripheral vision, the kid look down at something at his feet. I then see a movement akin to somebody trying to crush out a cigarette. And with that twist of the foot, the game goes blank.

"Oops," the kid says.

He'd knocked the plug out of the floor socket.

DAMN.

I look at the kid, and could only manage "you unplugged my game."

There wasn't a scene, but I did spend the rest of the day seething about what the kid did.

Luckily for all involved, I did finally beat the game later that week. I eventually got to the point where I could beat it on one quarter (or maybe two--I kinda think it was a 50 cent play machine...)

Anyway. Buy it for me. IT's been three or four years since I've played it. I tend to think such a thing would go well with the ensemble of junk I've assembled around myself....

Birthday Blonde Joke

Birthday Blonde Joke

From the e-mail...

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her
index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.

"I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.

"What?" the doctor sputtered. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"

"No," the blonde said, as if it were the most ridiculous thing ever said.

"First, I put the gun to my chest, and then I remembered that I'd just paid six thousand dollars for these implants! I'm not shooting myself in the chest!"

"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I remembered that I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I am not wasting that money by shooting myself in the mouth.

"And So then?" asked the doctor.

"Then I put the gun to my ear, but then I thought "This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger...."

Dog Years....

Dog Years...

You know that thing, where you say "I'm 217, in dog years," or some such junk where 1 people year equals 7 in dog years?

If you say that, and that person responds with "well, that's not techically true, as dogs' life cycles are different from a human's," I think you should be allowed to lay a clubberin' on them.

I'm 31 today.

And if I've learned anything in my 31 years, it's that you need four fisteses for a clubberin'.

God Bless Dusty Rhodes. I look at America today, and I wonder if the American Dream truly wasn't to be a 300 pound, bleach-blond white guy dressed in polka dots. I'm beginning to think that between Vince and Dusty, there was a bit of precognition going on there. I'm thinking big yellow polka dots are the next big fashion trend.

Mark my words, people. You'll be seeing Polka Dots all over the Oscars.

And if you don't, why not paint them on your TeeVee, just to make me, Vince McMahon and the American Dream Dusty Rhodes feel good about it.

Do it for Dusty.

This is neither here nor there, but I have known 3 girls named Dusty in my life, as wel as 2 guys with that name. 3 guys, if you count Dusty Rhodes. 4 girls, I guess, because if you count Dusty Rhodes, whom I don't know personally, you'd have to count Dusty Springfield.

But then, I'm not really sure I could pick Dusty Springfield out of a lineup, if you put a gun to my head.

Please don't do that. I'd hate that to be the way I died. I'm going to check wikipedia before I go to bed, just in case.

Anyway. 3 girls named Dusty. All of them? Pretty hot.

The guys? Fugly. Fugly as homemade sin. In fact, I'm almost sure that one of them was part Doberman.

Dusty Rhodes does little to turn the tide in that argument. In fact, he's kinda what you'd call "exemplary" as it pertains my previous statement.

Anyway. It's my birthday. I'm sleeping in. Y'all have a good day...

Fishes & Loaves?

Fishes & Loaves?

I think I've written before about the odd convergence of energies that is the Taco Bell in my small town. I don't eat there much. For a couple reasons...the first being that I'm not a huge Taco Bell fan. The second being the fact that if you go in, you can see the people touching your food. I don't much care to see strangers touch my food, especially strangers who have reached midlife with only a nodding acquaintance with what you'd call "polite grooming."

But there's an odd even that happens just about anytime I make a run for the border.

First, they never have gotten my order right.

Never.

Which is irritating, I reckon. It might be moreso if I had dietary restrictions, but I'm on that proverbial seafood diet, right?

But as it is, just about everything from Taco Bell tastes the same. It's just varying layers of gooey and salty, to my mind (he said, saying what might be the most easily taken out of context line ever written on the pages of this site....).

But here's the thing: When they screw up your order? They screw up to your favor. Without fail.

I can order a chicken quesadilla and a soft taco, and end up with three seven-layer burritos and a side of rice and beans.

There's not a code. I can order that same thing, and the next time get an enchirito and two chalupas.

I guess my point is this: I never get what I order. But what I get, is always more than what I wanted.

Case in point? I ordered two burrito supremes (burritos supreme?)...I got one burrito supreme, one taco supreme, and 2 regular burritos (with extra enchilada sauce, apparently....)

They got the Diet Pepsi right.

What I'm wondering, though, is if this phenomenon could be used to solve world hunger? Would it be possible to funnel a lunch order from sub-Saharan Africa through the Taco Bell in Athens, Tennessee....

Farthead

Farthead

Some dude called me "Farthead" tonight at work.

It wasn't a malicious thing. At least, I don't think so. He looked at me. The first time we'd ever seen each other (that I know of). He looked at me. I said "how ya doin?" or some other similar, generic greeting. "How you doin' Farthead?" The guy said.

I laughed.

It's a natural reaction.

The tough part about customer service is having to stifle those natural reactions. But this one, I didn't have to. For one, "Farthead's" a funny word. And, it was so completely unexpected. Plus, I am kind of a farthead, so there's no argument with the truth.

There was some restraint. My reaction, believe it or no, were I not in a customer service environment, would be to come back with some line about fighting a battle of wits against an unarmed man....or simply hurling a name of my own choosing. Something suitably vulgar.

But, I've learned that you can't joke with the folks who joke with you. You can, but you can't joke along the lines of name calling, unless you know them. That's how you start a fight, get a knew butthole torn by a D.M. and that's how you get to spend several minutes on the telephone apologizing to some dude who called you "Farthead."

Anyway. It seemed more of a venture for the fellow calling me farthead. Kind of a "see what happens if." Seeing that I've ventured a few "what happens if" in my time, I couldn't fault the guy too much.

As it turns out, some dudes just laugh it off.

Man, I think I need more sleep...

In which he is dragged into the year 2005

In which he is dragged into the year 2005

Well, when it rains it pours. A couple weeks back, I was invited to join Facebook. I saved the invite to a folder. I've figured that I'm the last person on Earth (or Mars, or the Planet Dave) to mess around with Myspace/Facebook thingamajig. It wasn't a resistant thing, so much. I just never messed with it too much. I didn't really think too much about the invite.

But then, I got another.

And another.

Rains, pours, yadda yadda.

Anyway. Tommy's Facebook. Nothing there that you haven't seen here, except that it's distilled down to one page for easy viewing....

The Lost Tommy

The Lost Tommy

Does everybody know what I look like? Hell, I've probably had occasion to meet nearly all my sevens of readers by now, so you should know my goofy looking mug by now. But in case you don't, here I am:



Handsome devil, huh?

I say again: the best picture ever taken of me. By a country mile. This picture manages to conceal most of the ugly and dumb that make up my day-to-day travels.

But that's neither here nor there.

I watched Lost tonight. As I am wont to do on Wednesday Thursday now. In fact, in conjunction with both my crappy work schedule and the writer's strike wrecking most of this tv season...Lost is the only show I make time for during the week, anymore.

There is a small but slight difference in the picture above, which I like to call "Normal Tommy" and the Tommy I call "Lost Tommy".

Again. Normal Tommy is what you see on a daily basis...sometimes a little angrier, a little hungrier, but on the whole, that's the Tommy we've all come to know and love.

But after watching Lost?

It's more like this:



Except I'm probably wearing a Chicago Cubs baseball cap, and screaming "What the hell just happened?"

Yep. That's about right.

I'll say this, too: Ben Linus just moved up into my top 3 favorite characters, just after Hurley, but just before Sayid.

A thought this Tuesday

A thought this Tuesday

I saw a headline while checking my e-mail. The headline read "5 places tattoos really hurt." After a moment's thought, I realized that they probably meant "ankle" or "breastbone" or "ballsack" but the first thing my mind went to was something along the lines of:

"3. Bowling Green, Kentucky--Tattoos are illegal in this west Kentucky town. The only place they can be gotten is the local prison. And then, the tattoos themselves are not that painful. It's the prison rape that's the problem..."

But then, isn't it usually the prison rape that's the problem?

Gaiman

Gaiman

Over on his site, Neil Gaiman has a poll up. His publisher is deciding which of his books they'll put up online, for free. Got a Neil Gaiman book you've been wanting to read? Got a favorite to recommend?

I voted for American Gods. It's a tossup between it and Neverwhere as to my favorite Gaiman book. Neverwhere is perhaps more representative of his work, but I think American Gods has a better scope, a better technical quality to it. If you haven't read any of Neil Gaiman's work, that's the one I recommend.

Really, I haven't been disappointed with anything his done. So, go give his blogamathing a look.

What I learned today....

What I learned today...

Fark had a link up today, and though I had no idea who this fellow John Alvin was, I was soon to become quite sad at his passing. Dude did some of my favorite movie posters of all time.



A favorite movie. A favorite movie poster. John painted it.



This one's also a favorite, on both counts. I had this poster, at one time. It's been lost, since then. I'd like to find a new one.



Ditto, except for owning it. I actually stared at this one a long time. I like it.



The movie's not much, but I like the poster. Varney was a cartoon in and of himself. The poster captures that.



I've never actually seen The Color Purple. But the poster's another favorite.



I really dig that one. Never needed to see the movie after seeing it the first time...but the poster makes me want to go back to see it again.



Me likey.



When you look at them all together, you can see similarities in the works, I reckon.



This one stands out. I've always liked this one.

More stuff at Aint It Cool

Big gallery here.

Sorry to hear that John Alvin's passed. But happy to know who he was, and what he did....

A Brief Look into Why I don't watch ESPN...

A Brief Look into Why I Don't Watch ESPN...

Yeah, I'm a sports fan. But long since gone are the days I left ESPN on for background noise. I won't reiterate what countless others have already said. It just hit me this morning...how long has Rich Eisen been gone? The Eisen/Scott SportsCenters were the last time I watched that show with any regularity.

But this little clip kinda point out why I stopped watching in general.



Is there anybody more useless than Sean Salisbury?

But then, to me, he's the perfect person to have on today's ESPN. He's loud, he's obnoxious, he provides no real insight whatsoever. More than that, he's ESPN's football coverage equivalent of John Kruk...any supposition he puts out there is generally wrong.

Difference between those two being, I could at least point to a few on field accomplishments for John Kruk.

But I digress. The biggest thing that kills me about Salisbury? How damn locker room funny he thinks he is. That Cryptkeeper line? It wasn't funny, but whatever humor might have been in the line was kicked to the curb when he broke out the second "Tales from the Crypt..." just in case you fratboys didn't catch the subtle dig on Mr. Clayton the first time around.

Seems like the type who's gonna repeat a punchline, right after he tells a joke.

Or explain it to you, when you don't laugh....

Twista....

Twista....



The blogger formerly located at Uncouth Sloth stated that when he heard of Tornadoes and Tennessee whether things were hunky dory in this neck of the woods.

Tornadoes freak me out. There aren't many things in life that conjure up a gut-churning feeling of dread like a tornado. My mind can't fathom what such a thing's like. It's like the ultimate display that nature is the dominant beast in the jungle. Random. Unforgiving. When I get stressed, really really stressed, I have nightmares about tornadoes.

So, I was acutely aware of weather conditions Wednesday morning, despite my beer and wing fueled stomach issues.

The storms that ripped through Arkansas (pronounciated Ar Kansas to my mind) and west Tennessee wandered this way right about the time I went to work yesterday morning. It was windy driving down, but we made it inside before the rain started.

It wasn't until a half hour later that hell wandered up the highway. It's been a little while since I've seen a storm like that one. When the panes of glass at the front of the store began to wobble in and out, I sent word to department heads that if push came to shove, make sure we could get to the coolers. The last thing I wanted was for my big ass to go flying through the sky, with the only elegy for me the fateful words of Bertha Maye Bigguns, who festooned in a Larry the Cable Guy t-shirt, with a Doral Light 100 hanging from her lips would tell CNN that the tornaduh that ripped through Cleveland, the one that hurled me into the heaves "sount like a train..."

But, no tornadoes. At least in my neck of the woods. South side of the county had a funnel cloud sighted, but no damage.

So, not much in my neck of the woods. Wind, rain. All that jazz. But no Big Stupid Tommy screaming towards the heavens...

In which it's wasted on the young....

In which it's wasted on the young...

If I had myself a time machine, I'd go back ten or twelve years, and poke myself in the nose a couple of times.

If only so that I'd appreciate the ability to go out, have a good time, and then get up to go to work in the morning.

Last night, after work, I wandered to hang with the brother-in-law and watch basketball. I had a couple of beers, ate a handful of wings.

Had to wake up at 5:30 for work. So, I slept around four hours. Woke up with an intestinal tract in absolute revolt. Spent the day bleary, grumpy and easily distracted. With trips every 53 minutes to the toilet to give the kids yet another ride on the water slide.

Wish I'd gotten out a little more back in the day. If only to appreciate the ability to bounce back.

Soup or Bowl

Soup or Bowl

Here's my sticky situation with making a pick in the Super Bowl? Played in a pick'em league this year. Came in fourth, and would have done better except for two things:

1.) Weeks 2 and 7 were particularly horrid for me. It's like I decided to pick losers instead of winners. I ended up those weeks with something like 4/16 games right....very, very sad, especially when the rest of the year (and the last few weeks of the season in particular) I was running a very respectable 13/ and 14/ out of 16 week to week. But those two weeks (and a mediocre start) were enough to knock me out of the final running.

2.) The other thing? The New York Giants. I was right about the Giants in their games only 6 times. I probably missed their outcomes more often than any other team. Basically, if I picked them to win, they'd lose. And if I picked them to lose, they'd win. I will say that most of my correct picks for them came toward the end of the year, when even Ray Charles would have seen how hot there they were. If he were alive. And a footbal fan.

So, there's a little trepidation in my pick for tomorrow night's game.

But I'm not so arrogant as to believe me picks actually have anything to do with the final outcome of the games.

That only works for baseball, when I say anything about the Cubs.

So, Tommy's pick?

Patriots 34, Giants 16.

I feel like the two week layoff hurts the Giants' momentum. Plus, the Patriots pick a couple off Eli, especially late in the game, and pretty much kill his confidence....

Today's Funny

Today's Funny

Yeah, somebody's big ass is still procrastinating.

Probably not safe for work, unless you work in a Cuss Word Distribution Hub.

142, Or: Tommy's Using This Meme to Procrastinate

142, or: Tommy's Using This Meme to Procrastinate

So, That1Guy has a meme up. If you've seen 85 of the flicks, apparently, you don't have a life to speak of.

But, I figure movie geekdom is something of a life. Gets me out of the house, from time to time, anyway....

(x)Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) Grease
(x)Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
(x) Boondock Saints
(x) Fight Club
(x) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
(x) Universal Soldier
(x) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
(x) Deep Impact
(x) KingPin
( ) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
( ) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
(x) Joe Dirt
(x) KING KONG
Total so far: 15

( ) A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
(x) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
(x) Halloween
(x) The Ring
(x) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber
Total so far: 26

(x) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(x) Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
(x) Ghost Ship
(x) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
(x) Secret Window
(x) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 37

(x) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
( ) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
(x) Gothika
(x) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
(x) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
(x) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 44

( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
(x) Joy Ride
(x) Lucky Number Slevin
(x) Ocean's Eleven
(x) Ocean's Twelve
(x) Bourne Identity
(x) Bourne Supremecy
(x) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled
(x) Predator I
(x) Predator II
(x) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
(x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
Total so far: 56

(x) Independence Day
(x) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
(x) Christine
(x) ET
(x) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
( ) Maid in Manhattan
(x) War of the Worlds
(x) Rush Hour
(x) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 64

( ) Best Bet
( ) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( ) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
(x) Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks!
(x) Event Horizon
( ) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
(x) Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator
(x) The Terminator 2
(x) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 73

(x) X-Men
(x) X2
(x) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
(x) Sky High
(x) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
( ) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
( ) Freaky Friday
(x) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
( ) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
( ) Shrek 3
Total so far: 84

( ) Swimfan
(x) Miracle on 34th street
(x) Old School
( ) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Kippendorf's Tribe
( ) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
(x) The 40-year-old-virgin
Total so far: 87

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 93

(x) Baseketball
(x) Hostel
(x) Waiting for Guffman
(x) House of 1000 Corpses
(x) Devils Rejects
(x) Elf
(x) Highlander
(x) Mothman Prophecies
(x) American History X
( ) Three
Total so far: 102

(x) The Jacket
(x) Kung Fu Hustle
(x) Shaolin Soccer
(x) Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Titanic
(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(x) Shaun Of the Dead
(x) Willard
Total so far: 111

(x) High Tension
(x) Club Dread
(x) Hulk
(x) Dawn Of the Dead
(x) Hook
(x) Chronicle Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
(x) 28 days later
(x) Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
(x) Waterworld
Total so far: 120

(x) Kill Bill vol 1
(x) Kill Bill vol 2
(x) Mortal Kombat
(x) Wolf Creek
( ) Kingdom of Heaven
(x) The Hills Have Eyes
(x) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
(x) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
(x) Army of Darkness
Total so far: 128

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
(x) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 135

(x) The Matrix
( ) The Matrix Reloaded
( ) The Matrix Revolutions
( ) Animatrix
(x) Evil Dead
(x) Evil Dead 2
(x) Team America: World Police
(x) Red Dragon
(x) Silence of the Lambs
(x) Hannibal
Total: 142

There Will Be Blood

There Will Be Blood

Took a little time out today to go see There Will Be Blood. A few thoughts. And, as always, here there be spoilers:

1.) I wasn't raring to go see this one. I wanted to see it, in an abstract kind of way, but I wasn't going to go out of my way to catch it...I'd have been perfectly fine if I'd waited until DVD. But, I had my chores caught up, for once. Plus, a steaming bout of stir-crazy started a set in. So, I went out to catch the movie...

2.) It's not that I don't like P.T. Anderson's movies. But, after watching them, I never feel like I need to sit and watch them again. I appreciate them for their worth. But I've never been part of that crowd that froths at the mouth for Boogie Nights or Magnolia. Personally, I thought Hard Eight was the best of his bunch, and the only one I've felt like I've needed to see again.

3.) That said, Anderson seems to have a way of wrenching superb performances from some of his actors. I think of John C. Reilly in Boogie Nights, and in Magnolia in particular. The world in Anderson's movies is fairly bleak. Remember the whole "human race going down the toilet" thing from a couple posts back? Yeah. Except, Reilly's cop in Magnolia seems out of place. A legitimate good guy, even with a crack or two in the armor. Granted, I've only seen Magnolia the one time, and probably won't again for a while yet, so I may be misremembering altogether.

4.) He does that again with Paul Dano in this flick. A lot of people will talk about Daniel Day Lewis' performance in the flick, but for some reason, Dano's Eli was a lot more fun to watch. And a lot more fun to figure out. He's a preacher, right? But a preacher who seems to crave the limelight. I kept going back and forth as to whether it was self-serving, or an attempt to step into a void for leadership, in the face of the "evil" that was Daniel Plainview.

In short, I spent myself trying to figure out if he was for real, or a Charlatan. It's easy enough to yell charlatan at a religious figure. Easy enough to root for. Yet somehow, when the final revelation came, while Eli was at his darkest hour, I found myself disappointed. I was honestly surprised at that, seeing as how I spent the whole movie rooting against him.

5.) At the very least, you knew that Daniel Plainview was a sonunvabitch. And that's what gets me down about this flick. There's no turn around. I suppose such a thing would be disingenuous, but it kinda made for a really long 2 1/2 hours knowing that the guy's just gonna stay a determined asshole. The only question will be to what degree he takes it....

6.) I liked Kevin J. O'Connor's performance, too. However, he's made a career out of playing the spineless types. Think we all kinda figured him for a conman, and maybe that was the point. When he came on screen, you wanted to tell the guy "you have no idea what you're messing with...."

7.) I can't say a lot for Daniel Day Lewis that hasn't already been said. A classic performance as Daniel Plainview. Not my personal favorite in his catalog (I liked Bill "the Butcher," just for his completely believable sumbitchedness...and there's a special spot in my heart for Last of the Mohicans...) For all the static nature of his character, it's still a sight to see. He carries the movie.

8.) But here's the thing. I kept thinking of a Pauline Kael review of Rain Man, where she calls that movie Dustin Hoffman humping the same note on the piano for 2 hours. There's a tinge of that in this flick.

9.) Have I mentioned that the movie's long? It's about 2 hours worth of movie packed into 158 minutes.

10.) In short, it's a decent enough movie. Not great, though. Worth a look for Daniel Day Lewis & Paul Dano. Long. Have I mentioned long? Pretty long. But decent enough, on the whole....

Chapter MMDCCCXXX: In which he likes Sarah Silverman

Chapter MMDCCCXXX: In which he likes Sarah Silverman

And I open my 64th month of blogging with a video of Sarah Silverman.