Sunday, October 31, 2004

Halloween Picture

Halloween Picture

This is the only Halloween picture I could find from my youth. There are others, but I couldn't find them.

It's me and my little sister.

Judging from the age of my sister, I'm probably five years old in this picture, and she's right at 18 months. And I'm kinda thinking this picture was taken Halloween night, just after I'd gone out trick-or-treating.

As you can see, I'm dressed as Spider-Man.

My sister, so far as I can tell, is not disguised.

Ach!!! Zombies

Ach!!!! Zombies!!!!

You are a Romero Zombie.You walk the earth because
there is no more room in hell. You feed on
living flesh - anything you can get your
decaying hands on. You can be killed by damage
to your rotting brain.

What kind of Zombie are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Seen at A Small Victory

Theater Thursday

Theater Thursday

Theater Thursday, because I'm sure that because of time zones, somewhere on this planet, even at 4:49 on a Sunday afternoon, it is Thursday somwhere. Probably in China.

Week 23 - Scary movies.
It's that scary time of year again. Halloween. With that in mind...

1) What's your favorite scary movie?

I'm not a super big horror movie person, but there are a couple I appreciate. Poltergeist still holds up, I think. I like The Ring. Stir of Echoes is one that doesn't get attention. I'll say that Stir of Echoes got under my skin a little more than any other scary-type movie, and it was going more for the suspenseful than the out and out scary.

But for my money, the single most scary moment in cinema history, the one that caused screaming, weeping and shitting in the pants is the Kathy Bates nude scene in About Schmidt.

2) Are you more into the lame scary movies that make you laugh, or the straight up - scare the bejesus out of you - scary movies?

I like a scary movie that's innovative, or at least trying to do something different. I'll settle for non-formulaic, even. Nothing makes a scary movie lame, in my mind, like doing the same thing over and over again.

3) Scary movies - best viewed alone? Or with a crowd?

It's a trade off. You see, I actually get very, very frightened by movies. Not just horror movies. Most movies. Action movies. Comedies. Cartoons. Each one is just a different page of the same nightmare, as far as I'm concerned.

At least when I'm watching with a group of people, I get distracted enough so as not to be continually weeping throughout the picture. However, I am generally unable to control my bladder, which constricts when I'm terrified. I am unable to hide the peeing of the pants. That tends to turn off any potential groups with whom I might watch movies.

BONUS) You've parked your behind on the couch for a marathon of scary movies. What 5 scary movies are on your list?

The Ring.
The Mummy (the 1939 version).
A twinbill of the Terror at 30,000 feet...both the original Twilight Zone Shatner version, and we'll watch the Twilight Zone movie, for the John Lithgow version.

And let's throw in the Day After, just for kicks. It's a TV movie, and it's a different kind of scary, but we'll throw it in for shits and giggles.



My friend Steven has started a Braves blog.


Thursday, October 28, 2004



I asked last night, when watching the Sox finish their sweep of that team from St. Louis with my friend Joe and his friend Joe, and I asked again on a Red Sox fan's blog (Chris's Large Regular, go read it now!), does Curt Schilling get to take over as Mayor and Lord of the City today, or does he have to wait until he gets his ankle fixed?

You know, these guys could retire, and their legacies would be set. I think David Ortiz and crew could go on a killing spree, and if the jury has a couple of Sox fans on it, Ortiz and crew couldn't be convicted.

And Curt Schilling? He should get a throne, and all the finest meats and cheeses that Boston can provide.

Those guys are going to be on the hearts, minds and their names on the tongues of the people of New England for a long, long time.

I watched last night up in Knoxville with my friend Joe, and his friend Joe. And also a cat that was fascinated by my eyeglasses (which is cool, until the cat goes from you lap to making a lunge at your face). A highlight of the night was watching the cat go sprinting across the living room, smashing face first into the clear glass door to Joe's entertainment center, which was open.

I wish I had the sound recorded. It was one for the foley artists. I nice, thick, resounding "donk."

Things we wondered during the game:

Who's the best announcer? We like Jon Miller. We like most of the Braves guys (I like all except Don Sutton)--the Braves guys, to me, are like the guys you wouldn't mind sitting with and goofing around with during a game. Joe likes Joe Morgan a little more than I do. We hate Tim McCarver. Hate. Because he feels like he needs to explain everything. Which might be fine, Joe says correctly, if he weren't explaining the same things that he, and nearly ever other commentator, explains in detail every game.

How drunk was Pedro?

Bud Selig was there. If I'm commissioner, I'm at every game, front row. It seems like perq #1. Was Bud not there for all the games, or did he just not get shown too much?

One of the Joes (the one who is not a regular commentor) pointed out that the Molina boy catching for the Cardinals has very feminine features. I didn't notice it until he had opportunity to raise up his mask, and hold it there. Yep. He looks like a girl.

Joe pointed out that Curt Schilling really likes to hear himself talk.

How many times did Keith Foulke say "Buckner" to himself on that last out? That was probably the most carefully and gingerly thrown to first ball I've seen in my life.

Why did they keep showing Jimmy Fallon? Are they that celebrity deprived? Was Jimmy Fallon shooting a movie, or something? Why was he out on the field?

It was good to see it happen, as my sleep-deprived 1:51 self could tell you.

Well, here are a few blogs from my links list run by Red Sox fans. They're good people, and today they've got a treat that their parents and a lot of their grandparents didn't even get. Enjoy it guys.

Large Regular. (Chris is a regular commentor here. I congratulate him.)

Sheila O'Malley (Sheila shows up from time to time, as well.)

Obscurorama. (So does Dan, now that I think about it...)

Llama Butchers

Thoughts from 1:51 in the AM

Thoughts from 1:51 in the AM

Congratulations to the Boston Red Sox.

And a salute to their fans.

Their loyalty has been rewarded.

The debt to the baseball gods, it seems, has been repaid.

As a Cub fan, I congratulate them on their success.

And I thank them, most graciously, for beating crushing utterly and completely destroying the dreaded St. Louis Cardinals. That part was really cool.

But I am more than a little envious, for my team's streak embiggened a year this year, and we're within shouting distance of a century, since the last time the Chicago National League team won it all.

But mostly, I am thankful. For a little bit of hope, I guess.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004



What was up with Fox interviewing "Leon" from the Budweiser commercials in the eighth inning of last night's series game?

Now, I know St. Louis doesn't have the celebrity factor that a New York or a Los Angeles/Anaheim...or even a Boston. It's fine that they want to show the celebrities, I guess. So long as it's not taking away from showing the game. Show Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner during breaks in the action. Talk to Tom Hanks up on the green monster. Talk to Keith Tkachuk (that's not even how you spell his name, probably, but that's as close as I care to get) in St. Louis....

But they're so tuned in on the celebrity thing that they have to make up their own just to have something to do.

And he was in character.

So Fox wasn't even interviewing a celebrity. They were interviewing a fictional character.

I mean, if they're going to do that, why not interview a good fictional character, even one from your own TV shows? Interview Michael Bluth, from Arrested Development. Or Hank Hill, or Homer Simpson.

Not a guy who stars in beer commercials. I don't care if they are playing in the city of the King of Beers.

Monday, October 25, 2004



Waitaminnit...I forgot to pick up the anti-pundit card for my TV when I voted last week. You know, the special chip card for my TV that, when installed, would keep Kerry, Bush, Cheney, Edwards and any of the self-righteous, chest-pounding pundits for either side off my TV after I voted.

All I got was a sticker that says "I Voted."

I knew I shouldn't have voted liquored up. It makes me forget things and headbutt parking meters.

(Red Sox are up 2-0....I get to rub that in the boss's face....)

Sunday, October 24, 2004

World Series, Game 2, fifth inning

World Series, Game 2, Fifth Inning

I'm watching, but I'm also talking to my friend Julie on the telephone.

Joe Buck doesn't know his geography. He just said the bloodstain on Curt Schilling's sock looks just like Oklahoma.

I know Oklahoma. I've worked in Oklahoma. That sir, is no Oklahoma.

Also, in setting myself opposite Tim McCarver....Tim hates pitch counts.

I now LOVE pitch counts. I want to marry pitch counts, and have little hybrid human/pitch count babies. And then together, with my little hybrid children, I'll burn Tim "I caught for Bob Gibson" McCarver's house to the ground.

Celebrity watch:

They decide to talk to Tom Hanks and Jimmy Fallon while Tony LaRussa's out on the mound.

Tom Hanks, I don't mind. It's just Tony LaRussa making a pitching change.

But I'd rather watch 30 minutes of Don Baylor picking his nose than watch anything Jimmy Fallon's remotely involved with.

Also, that commercial for the Nanny 911 show Fox is promoting?

You know how to get that one kid who screams to shut up?

A Jimmy Snuka style headbutt would shut that kid up.

The Incredible Hulk steps to the plate. Papi is the strongest one there is. Papi will smash Cal Eldred. DAVID SMASH!!!!! "There's a drive," as they say..... Puny Umpires confer to to call David's Smash a "foul ball."

It's 10:03. I don't wanna go to work tomorrow. They should call a national week of holiday for the World Series. Problem is, my boss is a baseball fan. He's watching this same as me. He'll be there. I won't have any excuse. Still, it's nice to have that smidgen of understanding when I say to my boss "I didn't sleep much I was watching baseball...."

End of 5:

St. Louis 1
Boston 4

World Series, Game 2

World Series, Game 2

Not gonna blog it, tonight.

Spent most of the day attempting to mow a Red Sox logo into the yard.

Just gonna relax and watch the game, tonight. (Bill Mueller with the unassisted double play....)

U Come On Your On

U Come On Your On

This caught my eye this morning, while taking the trash to the dump:

It's posted next to somebody's driveway.

A closer view:

I intend to follow its instructions to the letter.

World Series Blogging

World Series Blogging

The 10 or so posts that follow are my attempts at live-blogging game 1 of the World Series. It's kind of a stream of consciousness thing. I don't know how entertaining it is. It was something to do to occupy myself, since my original W.S. plans were dashed on the rocks. What is this work that everybody has to do? And who the hell works during the World Series?

Anyway. It was something to occupy my mind. If you read, I hope you enjoyed it.

World Series, Game 1, Ninth Inning

World Series, Game 1, Ninth Inning

Alrighty. Three Outs to go. Red Sox up 11-9.

Keith Foulke pitching for the Red Sox. Takes Reggie Sanders down on three straight. Made him look a little foolish on the third strike.

Marlon Anderson really burned me on a fantasy team one year. I couldn't dig myself out of the second base hole he put me in. He needs to go down foolishly, too.

Joe Buck is scaring me. I was just thinking "How can a team with four errors win?", when Joe chimed in with a similar sentiment. He needs to stop stealing my thoughts.

Crap in a hat. Marlon Anderson with a one-out double.

One of those Molina boys is at the plate.

Fucking Ben Affleck, along with Jennifer Garner, makes a top of the ninth appearance. Thanks Fox. Show the game. Don't ruin it with Ben Affleck's bulbous head. If you gotta show a celebrity, just show the Jennifer Garner half of the couple.

Two outs. Molina pops out.

One out to go.

Roger "I'm about to cry" Cedeno steps into the box.

Swing and a miss.


Red Sox Win!

Red Sox 11
Cardinals 9

Winning Pitcher: Keith Foulke.
Losing Pitcher: Julian Tavarez.

Yep. Tavarez is the loser. But we knew that already.

Boston wins Game 1. A sign in the Fenway crowd reads: The Dream is Possible.

I hope so.


Tavarez looks dejected in the dugout.

Man, if he weren't in a Cardinals uniform, I'd almost feel sorry for him.

The Red Sox snuck by on this one. How the hell you can allow 4 errors against the Cardinals and still win, I don't have a clue. They gave the Cards about 5 or 6 extra outs over the course of the night.


Red Sox win. What a night.

Saturday, October 23, 2004

World Series: Game 1, Eighth Inning

World Series, Game 1, Eighth Inning

I'm getting sleepy. I'm getting like Papaw, or something. By the time I get really old, I'm gonna be going to bed at 4 PM.

No sooner have I started writing about the eighth inning than the Cardinals get a hit, and Terry Francona makes a pitching change for the Sox. Mike Timlin leaves.

I'll take this break in the action to say that my favorite World Series of all Time is the Twins/Braves World Series in 1991. Just because I'd grown up watching the Braves. It's both a Proximity thing, with the Braves being just 2 1/2 hours to our south, and a family thing, as my folks are both Braves fans. So, it was a treat getting to see that team go worst to first, and make it to the Series. Mostly good games, if I remember. The Twins and Braves were fairly evenly matched.

Lonnie Smith blew that Series for the Braves. You couldn't speak his name around my father for months, without him spitting, cursing the sky, and kneeing you in the nuts.

Back to the game:

Roger Cedeno is at bat for the Cardinals. I've always thought Roger Cedeno looks like he's on the verge of tears.

Somebody needs to show Jason Marquis how to run the bases. He ran the Cards out of an inning in the NLCS, if I remember correctly (and, admittedly, I'm so tired, I may not be), and the dirt reached up and grabbed him on his way to second, tonight. He did that with all the grace of the Cookie Monster eating a cookie.

The Fox cameramen are on the ball tonight, showing the girls in the stands. Just so you know where I stand: No on cameramen showing celebrities, Yes on their hot women.
It depends on the celebrity hot girl as to whether I like their being shown.

Jason Marquis with a close play at the plate. Not a great slide, either. But he managed to get the foot in there. Varitek did what he could. Cardinals pull back within a run.

Larry Walker's back at the plate. Every time I turn around, Larry Walker's at the plate. What time is it? It's time for Larry Walker to bat. We measure time around these parts by Larry Walker's at bats.

Where is Manny Ramirez? What the hell? Tie game. Thanks Manny. Good job. Keep your brain in the game. Take some ritalin.

Four errors by the Bosox.


I am very close to being beside myself.

Stephen King shot, Bottom of the eighth. He looked like he was putting a curse on somebody. Or imagining them eaten by a gaint earthslug.

Middle of the Inning

Looking back at what I've written so far, I see that I've said very little of anything worthwhile. That kidney thing back in the sixth inning or so was pretty funny, I thought. Anytime you can mention Tiny "Zeus" Lister in a post, I feel like is good for a laugh. Actually, Tiny is a nick name, too. A stage name, I guess. He's credited as Tiny, a lot.

In this mid inning: my favorite Tiny "Zeus" Lister movies:

1. The Fifth Element
2. Friday
3. No Holds Barred
4. Armed and Dangerous
5. Next Friday

Back to Baseball

Julian Tavarez is in to pitch for the birds.

I don't like Tavarez, either. Kinda for the same reason I don't like Steve Kline. Too much emotion, not enough talent. He runs on emotion, which is fine, but hasn't stopped to consider whether that emotion actually helps him. The whole incident with the phone in game 4 of the NLCS is kinda what I mean.

BELLHORN HOMERS!!!!!!!!! Red Sox 11, Cardinals 9.

This kind of thing caused Tavarez to unravel when he was with the Cubs.

Johnny Damon popped out, though. Just to make me eat my words.

End of the Eight:

St. Louis 9
Boston 11

World Series: Game 1, Seventh Inning

World Series: Game 1, Seventh Inning

Mike Timlin comes in to pitch for the Red Sox.

Scott Rolen just seems to make contact every time he comes to bat. And I don't mean just tonight. It just seems like every time I see him play, he's hitting it hard. Sometimes, he hits it at somebody, but he makes contact.

If they make a new live action Popeye movie, I nominate Terry Francona, chaw and all, to play the titular role.

Three up, three down, end of an inning.

Half Inning: Stretch Time

Man. I thought Kelly Clarkson wasn't famous anymore. The more you show these faux celebrities, the more we'll have these asinine reality shows.

Although, she didn't do all that bad a job on God Bless America.

Back to the Baseball

Kiko Calero relieves for St. Louis. Kiko. I'm going to name my firstborn Kiko. It'll be his middle name. Because I've already sworn to name him after my greatest sports hero. Therefore, his name will be: Andre the Giant Kiko Acuff.

Boy or girl. I will name them that.

Steve Kline's not on the WS roster. My heart bleeds. I got no use for Steve Kline. He's White Trash's representative to the Major Leagues. I wonder how many of his family Steve Kline was able to move outof the trailer park with his major league salary. Steve Kline plays baseball because it's a job where it's acceptable to chew tobacco while you do it.

But he doesn't get to play in the World Series. He can flip Tony LaRussa the bird all he wants now.

Hey, Manny Ramirez can be the flightiest guy on Earth, but he just put the Sox up a run. Sox 8-7.

It's surprising to see nobody covering first on the Cardinals' part on the attempted rundown of Manny Ramirez. I'll have to go back and look at the tape, on that one. Did everybody follow the ball when it was hit? Who was out of position? gonna have to look at that one.

David "You wouldn't like me when I'm Angry" Ortiz strolls up to the plate.

Tony Womack caught one off the body, off the bat of David Ortiz. He's the strongest one there is. I'm not sure you even want to catch it with the protection of a glove. He'll smash! Good thing it hit the ground first. If an Ortiz line drive hits you? It'll leave a three foot exit hole on the other side.

Tim McCarver says "It looks like it caught [Womack] on the clavicle."

Listen to Tim pull out his knowledge. Say collarbone, Tim. I'd wager a good number of us know what the clavicle is, but would prefer you say collarbone. It just sounds better, talking on TV. If we just all collectively admit that you're the smartest, will you stop trying so hard to prove it? Tim needs a swift patella to the groin, if you asked me.

Ortiz ties W.S. record with 4 RBI in a game. He just needs the purple pants.

As they continue to discuss the issue, Joe Buck calls it "clavicle," too.

I think Jack Buck would have called it a collarbone. That's just a guess.

Harry Caray, by the seventh, would have been too drunk to know a clavicle from an Easter ham. But that's neither here nor there.

Looking at the replay of the Ramirez rundown that wasn't, the Cardinals pitcher (still Calero? Or was King in by then?) was standing at the mound, instead of playing his position. They should have had Ramirez there, since McCarver points out, correctly, that Manny was celebrating instad of running hard. (It was King)

End of 7:

St. Louis 7
Boston 9

World Series, Game 1, sixth inning

World Series, Game 1, sixth inning

Buck and McCarver were talking about Bronson Arroyo's father getting a kidney from his mother's co-worker.

I would give a kidney to the following people:

My folks.
My sister.
Close friends.
Keira Knightley.
Natalie Portman.
Ryne Sandberg.
Kerry "I Kill You With Baseball" Wood
Tiny "Zeus" Lister.
And almost any blogger on my linklist, with the exception of Gunny, because I think he'd corrupt it in the stock market.

That was just damn dumb, Arroyo attempting to make the acrobat throw on the slow roller. Hold the ball, Death Wish. You just put Taguchi in scoring position. Do you think you play for the Cubs?

Taguchi scores, making it a one run game, Sox 7-6.

Renteria scores on Larry "Hulkbuster" Walker's double. Tie game.


Bottom of the Sixth

Nixon, Millar and Mirabelli due up.

They just said the temp's down 10 degrees from first pitch. Using my mad math skillz, I can tell you that puts the temperature somewhere around the Witch's Titty.

Varitek steps in for Mirabelli. A little curious. Buck n' McCarver agree. What's the world coming to?

Of course, he strikes out.

It's all tied up:

St Louis 7
Boston 7

World Series: Game 1, Fifth Inning

World Series: Game 1, Fifth Inning

I'm a crappy live blogger. No fifth inning. I mean, they played a fifth inning. But I took a pee, food and walk around while watching the game break.

World Series: Game 1, fourth inning

World Series: Game 1, fourth inning

This postseason has thrown me off my writing routine, such as it was. I was, fairly regularly, getting up at 5:30 or so to write for an hour or and hour and a half. It's the only time I can go without getting disturbed by something else before I have to go to work.

But these playoff games have been going so late, I've been sleeping until the last possible moment before getting up to work in the morning, not writing as I should be, as a result.

A co-worker was giving me crap about it, not writing because of baseball. So here I am, writing about baseball. Eat that, Punkie!

Tim Wakefield is the first knuckler to start a WS game since 1948. That's crazy. I'd have figured somebody would have started since of the Niekros or somebody like that. Go figure. Now that I think about it, the Niekros usually pitched for dumpy teams.

I've been working on my knuckler. Maybe I could make it into the majors with an effective knuckler.

Speaking of Wakefield, it's getting a little anxious up in here. Three walks to open the fourth. I'm getting angry over here.

Bronson Arroyo's warming up. I never got the cornrow thing. For white or black people. It just seems like too much work for your hair. Too much effort to put in. I'm a buzzcut guy, myself. Shower off, run a towel over it and go on.

Two runs come in for the Cardinals. It's 7-4.

Somebody get Bill Mueller a smaller glove. That's two plays in a row where a Boston infielder gets the ball tangled in the glove mmaking the transfer from glove to throwing hand.

Arroyo's coming out of the bullpen.

Commercial Break: The shardsoglass freeze pop commercial, parodying the cigarette makers' ads, has a website.

The insanity doesn't end with Arroyo. Larry Walker continues his Hulk push. Cardinals have two on with Albert Poo Holes (Sloth link)at bat.

And Fox goes to a celebrity crowd shot. Would somebody get a DNA sample from Steven Tyler? He may not have a Y Chromosome.

And that's the end of the inning. Arroyo keeps the Deadbirds from scoring more.

The Cardinals score 3.

St. Louis 5
Boston 7

Half Inning

Looking forward to Ocean's Twelve.

Back to the Baseball

The Sox are into the Cardinal bullpen. The Cardinals are still down, and very vulnerable.

Listen at Orlando Cabrera being told not to throw elbows. I do like the Sounds of the Game. A positive, in the baseball coverage. It ain't all bad, I guess. Until Tim McCarver jumps in to explain the obvious. Because you're too blinkardly stupid to understand it as it's presented too you.

Obviously, so very stupid.

I like saying "Taguchi." Except when he catches Red Sox fly balls.

Johnny Damon back up at bat. His third at bat, by the fourth inning. He pops out. That's what happens when I brag on people. He ends the inning.

St. Louis 5
Boston 7

World Series: Game 1, third inning

World Series: Game 1, third inning

Larry Walker smash. Larry Walker thinks he is the strongest one there is. Knuckleball be damned.

Back to my mostly rhetorical question about Larry Walker in the Hall of Fame. I'd think long and hard on it, but I think I might ultimately vote no. I've got a real prejudice against Coors Field.

Two points from Ravenclaw for Joe Buck belaboring the Mr. Miyagi reference.

half inning commercial thoughts

My boss has a real crush on Mia Hamm.

And not to nitpick commercials, but couldn't the guy with the pickup truck carrying the dresser thing home have paid for the motorbike, and then come back for it later?
Why did he need to carry it home right that minute? And I know you know what I'm talking about. That Dodge commercial's been on every two innings for every game on Fox this postseason....

I still don't think his girl should have hit him.

Back to the baseball

I keep trying to think of Woody Williams reminds me of. He looks like one of those southern boys you see around my parts with their camouflage painted pickup trucks and coon hunting dogs in the back who always seem to be buying a week's pay worth of beer at the Mr. Zip station on Saturday morning.

Thanks, Tim McCarver, for explaining slugging percentage. Because you obviously have to have noise accompanying the wind that whooshes out of your head at every second.

Mirrabelli's a hoss. Catches the knuckleball and hits a ton in the World Series.

The Sox have the bases loaded with one out.

Damon drives in a run. Bases still loaded. Will Damon, Ortiz and crew get their names etched in marble somewhere near Fenway, if they win it all? Do they get to run the city, then? Do Sox fans start writing their letters at Christmas to Pedro, instead of Santa Claus?

Bye Woody. That's gotta suck. Wanting to pitch the Series as badly as anything, and getting knocked out before the end of the third.

Cabrera drives in another Sox run. Nomar's a funny name, anyway.

David Ortiz is named Papi out of respect. You respect David Ortiz. Or David Ortiz will smash. Buck and McCarver were going on about Ortiz being the third youngest player on the Sox roster. I braced myself for his age, but was comforted that at 28, he's still older than I am. I don't care for this being older than some Major League Baseball.

Sox get three more

End of 3:

St Louis 2
Boston 7

World Series: Game 1, Second Inning

World Series: Game 1, Second Inning

Re: Commercials. Didn't I see Alexander once this year, when it was called Troy?

Also, I'm sick to death of this Richard Branson reality show nonsense. Ain't watching it.

Inning 2

Edmonds bunted. I hate that. It's what I'd have wanted him to do, if I were rooting for the Deadbirds. But, as it is, I hate it.

The advantage of live blogging, at least this far? It's helped me block out the stream of inanities that is Tim McCarver. I mean, if there's going to be a constant stream of inanities in my house, it's going to be me

How many teams has Reggie Sanders played for?

Seven. He spent a long time with the Reds, and had played with the Padres, Braves, Dbacks, Giants, Pirates and Cardinals. He's played longer than I thought. He made his debut in 1991, and his first full year was 92.

It's one run that the Cardinals get with the Sac fly from Mike Matheny. But LaRussa's teams seem to be able to nickel and dime you to death, if they can't pound the hell out of you with the big bats. They win both ways. One run is one run, but you can't get to two without getting one.

Was Hideki Matsui the first Japanese born position player in the World Series? Would that make So Taguchi the second?

half inning

No blogging in the Red Sox half of the second...had to take care of the dogs.

World Series: Game 1, first inning

World Series: Game 1, first inning

I can't get a decent ESPN station on the radio. Shit.

It looks like the Buck n' McCarver show.

Is Stephen King the most famous Red Sox fan? He's co-writing a book about the '04 Sox. They picked a heckuva year to do it. Are Ben Affleck and Matt Damon real Red Sox fans, or is it a P.R. thing? Do you think one of them will show up?

If John Kerry shows up with his player not-even-knowing-Frankenstein-ghastly-lookingBoston-Baseball-Cap-Wearing self shows up for any game of this Series, I may shoot my TV.

Who's the most famous Cardinals fan?

To me, it's a benefit of having the series away from both the New York and Los Angeles areas for this year. It seems like Fox can't resist showing celebrities in the crowd, sometimes ignoring the action ont he field to do so. Aside from the occasional Stephen King sighting, unless Affleck and Damon show up.

I got to see Tim Wakefield pitch back when he was with the Pirates. It's crazy how slowly that knuckler travels, sometimes.

I like Fenway's irregular shape. I like that baseball's playing surfaces aren't uniform. I like that Fenway, like Wrigley in Chicago, comes from a time when the playing stadium was wedged into the city, instead of the city flattening acres on all sides to make room for a stadium, making it an island unto itself. Fenway's irregular playing field is a product of that, being wedged into a spot, back in the day.

And that's cool to me.

Larry Walker doubles.

And Scott Rolen pops out.

Between the half first MLB game was the Cubs at the Reds at Riverfront, in 1987. One of the things I remember taking note of was that between innings, when the teams were switching place on the field, and while the TV was at commercial, was that the field positions took up the time by playing of the things a 10 year old wonders at...It made sense, but at the time, it had never occurred to me to even think about it, that something was going on while I was watching commercials on TV

Red Sox batting. Woody Williams pitching. Johnny Damon leading off for the Sox.

Damon wears pitchers out. And I don't mean he necessarily hits the hell out of everything. But he takes a LOT of pitches. This at bat against Williams exemplifies that. What was that, 10, or 11 pitches?

Seeing Orlando Cabrera batting for the Sox, I wonder what Nomar's doing right now. Probably counting his money and enjoying Mia Hamm's fine, fine company. But it makes me wonder how it would have been had the Cubs not crapped out, and made it all the way to the Series, to have Nomar facing the Sox.

Scary pitch from Williams. It got away from him.

Are Tony LaRussa and Brian Billick the same person?

Is Larry Walker a Hall of Famer? He's a .314 career hitter, with 368 homers. Lots of gold gloves. An MVP. Does playing so many years in Coor Field work to his detriment?

David Ortiz is a god. I pray to him. I think David Ortiz would be a Hall of Famer, if every game was a postseason game. He just tears it up. "Curse Schmurse," says David Ortiz, "David Ortiz Smash! David Ortiz is the strongest one there is!"

If I'm Tony LaRussa? I don't pitch to him any more. For any reason. That three run dong is all the convincing I'd need.

I miss Bill Mueller, as a Cub fan. I like Aramis Ramirez as a Cub, but Bill Mueller was one of those guys like Johnny Damon: he ate up pitches and could get on base and drive in runs.

End of the First:

St Louis 0
Boston 4

World Series: Pregame

World Series: Pregame

Well, plans for Game 1 of the Series fell through. That sucks. Because they have one of those supercool plasma screen HDTV's.

But they're Cardinal fans, so maybe it's not all bad....

Live blogging it? Don't do it much....

Maybe a little:

Just watching the pregame show.

I hate Fox, by the way. Getting to the roster introductions right in the middle. At least they didn't miss the whole thing.

It's a small thing, but I always enjoy that part of it, the roster introductions along the basepaths. I like putting a face with the dramatis personae.

Man. I'd give a nut to be at Fenway tonight.

In having the Red Sox in the Series, it's nice to have a team in the Series that I care about, rather than just rooting against somebody, which has been the case more often than not.

And I'll second the notion that I saw at Steve Silver's. Boston and St. Louis are two of the best (if they aren't the best two) baseball towns in America. It's nice to have the Series in a couple of towns where the fans live and breathe their teams. Where you can run across old timers who've been lifelong fans of their teams, dating back to the 20's, like the couple of fellers Fox had on before the game (that was a thoughtful touch on Fox's part). A life long fan of the Marlins or the Diamondbacks just doesn't have the same ring as somebody saying they're a lifelong fan of the Boston Red Sox, or the St. Louis Cardinals.

And don't get me wrong. Don't think that I'm getting all sentimental about the Cardinals. I still hate them. Not as much as I hate the Yankees. But it's close. Still, I gotta give the devil that is their fans their due. They're passionate, and they're loyal.

Steven Tyler is spooky looking. And he seems to be channeling a little bit of Joe Cocker, tonight, as he performs the Star Spangled Banner.

Friday, October 22, 2004



I did my civic duty this morning. I went and participated in the election.

Early voting is cool. There's no law on early voting days against me going and buying alcohol and getting liquored up before I go to vote.

How did I vote? I know you're curious.

By punching the little punch pin through the voting card.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Your American League Champions: the Boston Red Sox

Your American League Champions: the Boston Red Sox

What a wonderful morning. The grass is greener. The sky is bluer. Food tastes better. It's like a weight has been lifted.

The Yankees have been beaten.

Now, still haven't won the pennant. You have a curse to break. Beating the Yankees is excellent, and in doing so, you've done a lot toward reversing that curse. But you've got a National League team to beat...the Ass Trolls or the Deadbirds.

Party hard, but get it together. The job ain't done yet.

The following blogs have been joined together over the course of the season, chaired by Mr. Bill McCabe, to fight the evil that was the New York Yankees. They come from different backgrounds, but their goals are the same. Jump to one of their blogs to hear their words on the Red Sox win, and the Yankee loss.

Today, their hearts are lifted:

The Rebel Alliance of Yankee Haters

Blue Squadron (NL)

Leaning Toward the Dark Side (Mets)

Babalu (Marlins)

Big Stupid Tommy (Cubs)

Ramblings' Journal (Cubs)

Mediocre Fred (Brewers)

Len Cleavelin (Cardinals)

Red Squadron (AL)

Obscurorama (Red Sox)

Frinklin Speaks (Mariners)

Steve Silver (Twins)

Steve the Llama Butcher (Red Sox)

Rob the Llama Butcher (Rangers)

MoatesArt (Red Sox)

Rammer (Tigers)

JawsBlog (Indians)

Ubi Libertas (Blue Jays)

Oldsmoblogger (Indians)

Mass Backwards (Red Sox)

Secure Liberty (Red Sox)


Industrial Blog

Cry Freedom

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

The Middle of the Night Baseball

The Middle of the Night Baseball

Red Sox 8
Yankees 1

It's 10 PM and it's the top of the fourth inning.

Will Big Stupid Tommy stay awake?

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is a big ol' pantywaist. Mars needs women and Tommy needum sleep.

The upside is we got an ESPN radio station coming in loud and clear., so we're spared the Buck n' McCarver connection.

Joe Morgan's kind of annoying, but he's a minor demon compared to the broadcasting Satan that is Tim McCarver. For play-by-play, four Joe Bucks couldn't be the announcer Jon Miller is.

Also: I swear, in the past three games on the TV, I've heard maybe three words from Al Leiter, and I don't think that's Leiter's inexperience. I don't think he can get a word in edge-wise with Tim McCarver in the booth. I think he stopped even trying. Al's getting paid to watch baseball. If you can tune out Tim McCarver, you got it made.

Dark Tower

Dark Tower

Hey!!!! There be spoilers in this post. If you are reading, will read or just might be considering reading Stephen King's Dark Tower books, you might do well to skip this post, as I gonna reveal a crucial plot point you might not want spoiled for you.

Saw over on boing boing that Cory Doctorow finished Dark Tower VII.

I finished it a little while back, as well. And I've tried to think of something to say about it. About the seventh book, and about the series as a whole.

But every time I tried, I couldn't put it exactly like I've wanted to.

This is what I manage now:

I'm pleased with the ending, but a little sad that it's over.

I'm pleased, ultimately, with the way the story finished up, but I admit that I was initially a little disappointed with the ending. It brought to mind the complaint a co-worker had had after reading the first book: He complained that he followed Roland and Jake across the desert, to see Roland finally catch up with Walter, only to have that whole chase end with Roland and Walter sitting down and chatting. That was my gut reaction after finishing The Dark Tower.

But then I got to considering Mr. King's warning.

Over the course of the series, Stephen King started asserting himself a little more forcefully as narrator of the story by the series' end. Instead of just telling the story by the story's end, he was guiding you through it. Which is appropriate, as he found himself not only telling the story, but by the story's end, becoming part of it. A part of him, at least, was there living the story. So he's entitled to this little conceit...

And as he guides us through the story, and the story's ending, he gives us a warning, as Roland reaches the tower. King reminds us that the trip is about the journey, not the destination. That no matter how great the discovery Roland finds at the top of the tower, it won't equal the joy you got out of the journey to it.

But I'm never one to let folks tell me what's good for me. I gotta learn everything the hard way. I read through to the end, and you've read my gut reaction.

But I thought about it for a while. Upon consideration, I decided that the story ended exactly like it should have, wheel of ka and whatnot. And as the reader, you just have to take a little solace in the fact that this next spin through, things could end differently, could end better, as he's been rewarded with a little better start than the last time.

Then, satisfied with the ending, secure in the knowledge that it ended like it was supposed to, I still found myself a little sad.

Sad that it was over, at all.

Weird to be thankful that it was finished, considering Stephen King getting rundown by an idiot in a van, but sad all the same that it's over.

What it came down to was that I'd never gone 13 years from beginning to end of a story. In any medium.

I've read other series from start to finish. But not while they were being published, and not over that period of time. I read most (if not all) the Oz books in grade school, as well as the Chronicles of Narnia. And I read the Lord of the Rings books straight through, with no pause between books, the first time I read them. So there's no waiting for the next book to publish, in any of these series.

And most of the currently publishing series, I couldn't get myself interested in. And believe me, with 5 and 6 years between volumes of this series we're talking about being published, I tried to find something to get the same feeling going in the interim. Didn't happen. Tried the Wheel of Time. Tried Harry Turtledove. Tried a couple of others. I liked many of the individual stories, but the overall series story wasn't enough to keep me coming back.

I guess the closest to an equivalent, at least in terms of a currently publishing series, would be the Harry Potter books. And I don't think of those in terms of a huge over-riding story whose momentum carries the whole series. I know that's supposed to be there, and for some readers, it may be, but for me, it isn't the compelling reason for reading those books.

That's a digression.

I realized that I'm not waiting for the next Dark Tower book. Which is something that I've been doing pretty much since the fall of 1991, which I first picked up The Gunslinger at the Sweetwater Flea Market for 50 cents. I read it over a rainy weekend sometime during the Christmas shopping season that year.

The other books have their own impressions. I read The Wastelands partly in Houston, suffering from a mild case of food poisoning brought on, I believe, by airline food. Wizard and Glass was read at night when we were in New Jersey cleaning my grandfather's house after he fell ill and needed round-the-clock care. Wolves of Calla was read last year, after ending a couple-month long job drought.

Anyway, my point (and I do have one) is that 13 years is a long time for somebody like me to stay with a story, especially when you consider that I've got a bad habit of changing channels on the TV during commercials, and forgetting entirely that I was watching something important after I've been hooked on something found during the commercial break.

That's the sadness part, even if I've done a piss-poor job of verbalizing it. I don't necessarily liken the ending of the series to something like saying goodbye to a friend you've known for 13 years, but I put it somewhere on that "missing thing" scale between that and, say, getting rid of a vehicle you've been driving for 13 years.

But, I also wander this world understanding that some things wear out welcomes, stay around too long and jump the shark, as it were, milking time instead of ending when it should. So, I swing back around to "happy" when I consider that some things, many things, haven't ended when they should have, and not nearly as well as this one did.

But anyway. I'm not even sure what I originally intended to say, anymore. Between writing this and watching the end of Game 6 of the NLCS and the beginning of Game 7 of the ALCS, I've lost and regained my train of thought a half dozen times.

I'll close by saying that I considered sitting down and re-reading all seven books all the way through, just to get the full scope of the story, once and for all. But I decided not to. I will, eventually. In the future. A year from now. Maybe two. I guess I just wanted to collect my thoughts on this particular iteration, and let the impressions for this time around sink in.

Well. Them's my thoughts. Gonna go finish watching some baseball...

Wednesday Morning Playoff Thoughts

Wednesday Morning Playoff Thoughts

I originally titled this post Thursday morning. But it isn't Thursday. Feels like it. But it's not. It's Wednesday. All day, so they say.

How about them Red Sox? I was sure the gig was blown with the whole ball being slapped out of Arroyo's hand deal. I cursed, and loudly. I just knew the umps were going to let it stand.

Providence shined through.

Yankee fans showed themselves to be the classiest people on Earth last night, with their collective tantrum. I watched the game, and I kept thinking about the episode of Andy Griffith, where the spoiled rich kid, new to Mayberry, tries to show Opey how to get his way with his father (tantrums, holding his breath, etc.). I was a little embarrassed for the Yankee fans, and for baseball fans in general. Because Yankee fans remind me of that spoiled rich kid. They get their way every year. Their owner buys them the biggest and the best. They win 100 games every year. But when things don't go their way, they get ugly and in a hurry.

Game 7 tonight.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

The Playoff Baseball

The Playoff Baseball

Say what you will about the Red Sox and Yankees, they know how to throw a playoff game.

It was a long one. I got home from work yesterday just as it was starting. Lived and died by whether the Sox were ahead or not.

It got to the fifth inning, and I had to run an errand at the store. Hated leaving, but I needed a couple things.

Got back in the sixth or seventh, and the Yankees were ahead.

Little did I know that I'd have three more hours of Sox and Yankees baseball.

That game took more out of me than any this season that I've seen on the TV

Mr. Schilling starts game 6 tonight.

In the senior circuit (Christ! They had a game, too!?!?) the Ass Trolls made good. They are not to be beaten in Houston, apparently.

Monday, October 18, 2004

TV Tuesday

TV Tuesday

TV Tuesday, because it's Monday night, and for once in my life, I'm ahead of my time....

We've been doing a lot of redecorating around our home lately and checking out some of the home decorating shows, I'd never really watched them before but have found a few kind of interesting so this week Home shows are in the spotlight!

1. Do you watch home shows regularly? If so, which ones?


2. Have you ever followed a tip that you learned from a home show or TV?


3. What is the best (worst,stupidest,coolest...) thing you've ever seen on a home show?

Instant-On Lighting. I saw it once on a TV show. I wish I had it at my house.

~Bonus~ If your home had it's own show what would it be called? Why?

My home did have its own show. It was called the Bozo Show, and it ran for many years on WGN. It was called that owing to the large blue-suited, red-haired clown who lived here, hosting the Grand Prize Game and showing the occasional cartoon, and also because of the many clowns (Cookie and Wizzo, for example) who would show up and get hit by pies, and also because of a joke telling dog named Dudley.

More Insanity from the IFOCE Record Book

More Insanity from the IFOCE Record Book

It was a conversation with the Filthy Hippy that started all this:

Some of the craziest entries from the International Federation of Competitive Eating's record book:

A gallon and a half of chili in 10 minutes.
Eleven pounds of cheesecake in 10 minutes.
331 Crawfish in 12 minutes
Nine and a half pounds of peas in 12 minutes.
28 Glacier Brewhouse Reindeer Sausages in 12 minutes.
Six pounds of Spam in 12 minutes

But my couple of favorites are:

7 3/4 pounds of turducken.

I realize what turducken is. Even so, I'm not eating anything with the word "turd" in its name, let alone 8 pounds of it.

And my absolute favorite IFOCE record:

57 Cow Brains in 15 minutes, by the ubiquitous Takeru Kobayashi.

I hope to heaven he got a t-shirt.

Think of the respect you'd get if you walked around with a t-shirt that read "I ate 57 Cow Brains!"

That there's something to put on a resume.

A proposition

A proposition

From the International Federation of Competitive Eating's website:


Jim Reeves devoured 32 Krystals in eight minutes at the Mississippi State Fair to win an official qualifier of the 2004 Krystal World Hamburger Eating Championship....Reeves earns a birth in the Nov. 13th finals in Chattanooga, TN, which will feature $17,500.00 in prize money.

See, here's the thing. 32 in 8 minutes is a lot, but it doesn't seem like the ridiculous amount that I'm used to seeing when I hear or read about these competitive eating contests. I mean, Takeru Kobayashi ate like 53 hot dogs in the same amount of time, and perusing the record book for the IFOCE, you can see that some guy ate some crazy amount of baked beans--something like 6 pounds in a 2 minute time span.

Six pounds of anything in 2 minutes is insane. And I don't say insane as in weird or exciting or cool. I mean eating six pounds of anything in 2 minutes, for any reason, means that something is wrong in your brain, something's just not hooked up right, if it says you need to do it.

That's a digression.

My point with the Krystals (which are the mustardy southern cousin of the White Castle, if anybody is unaware) is that 32 in 8 minutes just doesn't seem like the bar is out of sight.

The world record is 42, held by Sonya Thomas. Again, this is a high amount, but it's not quite to the borderline of insanity, where the record of eating 4 32 ounce bowls of mayonnaise lives....

Now, I'm not up to the challenge myself. A Krystal will turn my intestines into a water slide quicker than you can say "Greasy Squared Hamburger." I'm afraid that if I tried to eat 43 Krystals, I'd probably throw the water in my system out of balance, and I'd liquify.

But don't think that I'm just talking to hear myself talk...No! I'm not at my job!

What I'm thinking is that one of you take up the banner, and let me manage your training, Burgess Meredith style. We won't be chasing any chickens or beating up any sides of beef. Hell, I don't even know what Philadelphia is!

But with my carefully planned-out training, eating and stomach stretching program, I'll guide you to all the glory that is the championship of Krystal eating!

Now, the finals are in Chattanooga next month....I don't think we'll have a place in this year's ceremony, so we won't be like Daniel LaRusso and Mr. Miyagi this year. Instead, I'll lurk around the championship this year. A shadowy mystery figure.

And after that, I'll start training you. And next year, we'll attack! We'll be more like that karate guy and the guy who played on Step by Step who would come to fight Daniel for his title in Karate Kid 3. We'll be ready by next year.

What's in it for me, you ask?

The money.

You'll give me all the prize money. See, I'm thinking we're still on the upward slope of this competitive eating thing. I'm thinking that the prize money for next year's contest will be even greater! Something like $21,000!!!!!!!!!!

I'll get that little paltry sum. That amount of money isn't even worth the concern of a thoroughbred eating machine like you. I'll take that insulting amount right out of your sight, never for you to worry about again.

And you'll get the glory! Think of it! They'll make movies of you (starring Carl Weathers and Lori Petty)! You'll get a t-shirt! And maybe a hat, and the cover of Time Magazine*!

Think about it. I'm here. My knowledge will guide you.

*hat and cover of Time Magazine not guaranteed.

Monday Morning

Monday Morning

Woke up really early this morning. Not on purpose. Had one of those nightmares where I'm in school, and it's finals week. And in the dream, I've got a final test for a class, but I haven't even gotten prepared for the test because, in the dream, I hadn't even known I was in the class.

Woke up most of the way through the dream, and had to sit up for a little bit, just to shake the dream off.

I ended up just getting up.

I missed the end of the Red Sox game last night. Saw this morning where they came back and won in 12 innings. Got a little disgusted early on, and decided I didn't want to watch the hated Yankees sweep the Sox.

In my absence, they came back to win.

That's pretty inconsiderate of them, if you asked me. With all the time I invested in watching baseball this weekend, only to have the evil empire defeated while I'm off doing other things (fighting spiders). They oughta consult me when they plan not to roll over and die.

So, we get more Red Sox and Yankees this afternoon.

Friday, October 15, 2004

I Am Sitting In the Cat's Chair

I Am Sitting In the Cat's Chair

I am sitting in the cat's chair.

The cat will sit here. Period. End of sentence.

I may sit here, too.

But I must be aware that the cat will also sit here.

And I must sit the way the cat wants me to sit.

Or she will bring the pain.

I pick the cat up, put it on the couch.

The cat jumps to the coffee table, and back onto me.

We've done about 20 iterations on this one little exercise.

The cat either does not understand English, or takes my threats of no food lightly.

The cat knows I am a sap, and that I am afraid.

But the cat is generous.

"You may sit here. But I am also to be sitting here."

The cat has little understanding of the infinitive.

But kicking your ass in gerunds is one of the cat's favorite things.

Along with sitting in the chair.

It is the cat's chair.

You may sit in it.

If the cat lets you.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Theater Thursday

Theater Thursday

Theater Thursday. Cuz I got nuttin'.

So you're going to the movies. We know all about which ones you like, which ones you don't like, your criticisms, your raves, your rants....

Eh. Let's get to the real stuff. What are your movie-going habits?

1) Do you go to the movies alone or with friends/family? Do you know exactly what movie you're going to see before you get there, or do you stand for 30 minutes outside the box office trying to decide between Pauly Shore and Meryl Streep?

Here lately, I've gone with friends or family. Mainly because I've moved to a town without a decent movie theater, so if I go, it's a planned event. Gotta go at least 20 miles down the interstate if you want a decent theater, and all the way to Knoxville or Chattamanooga if you want anything artsy fartsy.

Though I'm not against going by myself. I generally like going by myself. That way, I'm alone with my own thoughts.

I generally know what I want to see when I go. And when it's starting. Because it's an excursion.

And, the few times I've gone wanting to see whatever's starting soon, I generally get burned. Adam Sandler movies, and whatnot.

2) When you go to the movies, do you usually buy:
a) Popcorn? What do you put on it?
b) Cokes? What's your favorite?
c) Candy? What gets stuck most in your teeth?
d) Other (hot dog, nachos, sushi)?

I don't usually get anything to eat. I don't like paying $3 for a 60 cent bag of M&M's. If I do get any candy, I'll get Reese's Cups. But here lately, I've left it alone.

Sometimes, I'll get a coke, or water. Though the profit margin for the theater on the cokes is even better for them.

3) Do you like it load and raucous in the theatre, or do you immediately stuff crying babies in the nearest waste can? Do you talk back to the screen and interact with the movie, or do you sink way down in your seat and just experience it?

Quiet. Quiet, and quiet. And after that? Quiet. It's a major friggin' psychosis of mine when people talk to each other during a movie. And if that cell phone goes off, that's an ear choppin' offense.

And then there's the people who talk to the movie screen bug me. Because it's an attention getting device. Nobody really thinks consciously or unconsciously that the movie can hear them. They're doing it so people can pay attention to them. I paid to watch the movie, not pay attention to some yokel talking to the screen.

If you've got a witty comment to make to the poeple you're with, do it quietly.

Or just loud enough to bug Billy and Steven, when watching The Mummy.

BONUS) What's your favorite, most memorable movie-going experience? What experience almost (or maybe did) make you vow never to darken the door of a cineplex again?

My single favorite moment in the movie theater is the collective, sarcastic "Awwwww." the crowd gave Luke in the re-release of Star Wars, when he whined to Uncle Owen about going into Tosche Station to pick up power converters.

He can waste time with his friends when the chores are done.

Watching Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon in a really crowded theater kind of sucked. If only because of the people loudly sharing a liquor bottle behind us, and not sharing, and then dropping the empty glass bottle on the tile floor. And the talking, and there was a baby in the theater and it was a long, long movie.

But I can't think of anything that's made me say "I ain't going."

As much as people bug me, if the movie's good enough (that Tiger Dragon nonsense weren't), I can ignore them....

Remember, silence all cell phones, pagers, and electronic devices while answering this quiz. And NO SMOKING!!! (water gun effect)

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Tim McCarver

Tim McCarver

I'll Tim McCarver really hates having Al Leiter up in the commentary booth. Hates it with a bloody red passion. McCarver strikes me as one of those guys who has to be the smartest guy in the room, who has to make sure that you know he knows every little facet of everything, who has to be the one who explains it, and more than anything, absotively posilutely has to have the last word in every conversation and argument.

And Tim has to deal with Al, who proves himself word by word to be the best broadcaster in the Buck n' McCarver Connection, after only a postseason's worth of experience, and he does so with as few words as possible.

New Jack

New Jack

I just decided this very minute, that if I ever take up the squared circle as a profession, I ain't gonna step in the ring with New Jack.

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (AP) -- A professional wrestler from Georgia has been accused of stabbing his opponent 14 times with a prop during a match in Florida.

Both wrestlers in the local Thunder Wrestling Federation event told police in Jacksonville that the prop was brought in as part of what in wrestling is known as "hard-core," where it is not uncommon to see such props as knives, chains, bats and barbed wire.

The event's promoter said it wasn't supposed to be hard-core.

Police charged 41-year-old Jerome Young of Smyrna, who goes by the ring name of New Jack, with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. He is being held in lieu of 40-thousand dollars in the Duval County Jail. A court appearance is set for November 2nd.

Young told police he and his opponent, 37-year old William Jason Lane of Fruit Cove, Florida, planned before the match to use a piece of metal to inflict some injury. Lane, treated and released at Shands Jacksonville hospital, told officers he wasn't sure what happened but that the sport is dangerous.

Yeah. It's dangerous if you wrestle New Jack. Dude's crazy.

Just ask Eric Kulas, or Gypsy Joe.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Another Playoff Thought

Another Playoff Thought

Just saw that ALCS game 2 along with the NLCS game 1 will be played at the same time tomorrow night.

I wrote the following on October the 8th of 2003.

The teams are different this year (I like to blame Sammy Sosa for that), but I think the general gist of what I said still applies:

Two the Same Time?!???!?!

Is anybody else bothered by Fox and the Used Car Salesman Commissioner of Baseball holding both the Championship Series Games at the same time?

I guess it all comes down to the bottom line. Prime time baseball = More Money.

Money's tainted just about everything that's good in baseball. And contracts and contract disputes are part of it. That's the spiral that's made it cost $18 for a crappy seat at Turner Field. On top of that, the television contract, which keeps me from seeing a lot of Cubs games on WGN, especially on Saturdays, blows. Even the little things like that abhorrent green screen hanging on the brick of Wrigley just so Fox can get a little bit of money from Subway. It won't be long, I think, before we have advertising on the bases, projected onto the field digitally, and even sewn onto the players' uniforms.

Money's not bad. Don't get me wrong. I don't mind at all baseball being used to make money. It's a business. That's what it's for. But it seems that all too often, money is being used to direct baseball, instead of the other way around.

Want of money isn't good if it's alienating fans. Which is what I think will happen. I want to watch both games. But I have to choose. And if I'm out in the boonies, like my parents, who are too far out for cable and would have to cut down a lane of trees to put up a dish, I don't even get to choose. I have to watch whatever's on channel 61. (I think it's the Cubs, but I'm going to go murderously insane if it's not)

Maybe I want to have my cake and eat it too, but there was a time when you could set the day aside to watch both games. I know that the casual fan won't want to see both games, and they're the ones whose dollars MLB is going for.

But how many classes did I skip come playoff time? How many times did I request my days off on playoff days? How many times did I plan my week around it?

It may make me a dork, but I just think I'm a serious baseball fan.

And I think if you start alienating folks like me: big, serious baseball fans (and there are more of us than baseball gives us credit for, I think), then you're wearing away your foundation. And once the foundation of your serious fans starts to go, then goes the rest of the house of casual fans.

I'm probably being a little melodramatic. I know that I'm in the minority, probably. But I feel that in this week, which is the second biggest week of all the year, should be the time when baseball strives to showcase its wares in the best and biggest and most widely accessible forum.

This is the time when baseball fans shouldn't have to choose.

Especially when your one series is a continuation of the biggest rivalry in baseball, and the other series contains probably two of the least likely teams to even have gotten this far....and it's possibly leading up to the biggest storybook series Baseball could ask for, in the Sox and Cubs.

But we have to choose between the two, instead of seeing what kind of magic could transpire in both.

And Bud Selig and Fox are making us choose.

I don't blame Fox. Fox isn't a baseball fan. Fox is an entity that seeks only programming which will make it the most money. It's doing what it's supposed to do.

Bud should have taken the reins in this little process. Should have made the NLCS play Game 2 at 4, and the ALCS begin their series at 8.

But he's an owner. And he works under the misguided notion that the biggest bottom line is what's best. Bud has a hard time thinking fourth-dimensionally. And I'm not talking about how many fans are you losing by not showing one game or the other.

I'm talking about how many fans are you going to keep from gaining? What kid is a little peeved by not getting to see Derek Jeter? Or Sammy Sosa? Or Nomar or Pedro or Dontrelle Willis? Again...melodrama....but is there a kid who won't come back because he just stops caring?

And don't get me started on starting games at 8:30 so they don't finish until midnight. It's hard enough for my folks to stay up that late here on the East Coast.

But your target demographic, as the makers and players of baseball? Should be kids. And your biggest number of kids won't make it every night to midnight, nor would most parents (even in this day and age) let them stay up that late.

Baseball should worry about these types of things, because fewer and fewer kids are playing baseball, let alone watching baseball. That's a bit important for your future playing pool, but since your players of the future are coming more and more from overseas, that's not a concern.

But your fans. Where are they going to come from? I'm not confident anymore they're going to come from these young kids who can't stay up for the whole game. Start the games earlier, for the kids.

But I digress.

Doubling up on the games? That's bad business. No matter how attractive the bottom line.

The sooner we're rid of Bud Selig, the better, in my book.

TV Tuesday

TV Tuesday

TV Tuesday, because it's the third inning, and the Yankees are beating the hell out of Curt Schilling. I need to be distracted, and now.

It's officially fall and most of the new shows and new seasons have started, let's talk!!

1. Is there a new show that's caught your attention? Good or bad?

Lost is pretty good, so far. How long it can keep up the weird, mysterious vibe I'm digging is the question. It could be very good, or it could (as was pointed out by commentor Danielle) become Gilligan's Island 2004 in a hurry.

2. Were there any season premieres you were just dying to see? Did they live up to the wait?

Well, I always wait for the Simpsons, even if last season got pretty rank.

Arrested Development hasn't begun its season, yet, though the first season DVD set's coming out a week from today, for those seeking my favor....

3. What's your all time favorite season or show premiere?

I always liked Star Trek: Deep Space Nine's premiere. It had to establish its identity quick, and it worked hard to give you a taste of all the characters without forcing it on you. Furthermore, it works quickly to establish its darker, less get-along-gang tone. Plus Sisko's remembrance of the battle with the Borg were pretty intense.

~Bonus~ Did you ever end up liking a show that you disliked the premiere of? Which show? Why?

E.R. grew on me. I didn't dislike the show based on the premiere, but that first episode, the only one I saw until TNT started showing re-runs, didn't do a lot for me in terms of making me want to watch it.

I still don't watch it regularly, I'm a re-run kind of guy. I can watch a whole season in a few days' time, that way.

Behold: Artistry

Behold: Artistry

Bill's been finding portraits.

I drew the one on bottom. He told me about posting it, and even told me what was in it. I smiled and nodded like I remembered, or something. When I saw it again, I laughed to myself pretty good.

The Playoff Beisbol

The Playoff Beisbol

Looking at the ALCS and the NLCS...

I stand by my World Series predictions from a few days back. I think we'll still have a Cardinals/Red Sox World Series.

The Red Sox thing is just a gut feeling. Maybe it's just my hatred of the Evil Empire causing me to think hopefully. I am comforted, though, that I am not alone in my hopes and hatreds....

I think they'll pound on each other for at least six games. I kinda think we'll see at least one brawl. I think we'll get at least 19 references to Mariano Rivera's recent family troubles by the twin antichrists, Joe Buck and Tim McCarver. (However, it is GOOD news that Al Leiter will once again be in the booth for this year's ALCS....he pleases me very much as a broadcaster).

As for the NLCS, I don't see who the Astros have to pitch once you get past Clemens and Oswalt. A shortage of quality pitching is just not something you want to have when you gotta look at Pujols, Edmonds and the rest of the lumber over the course of a best of seven series. I'm thinking the Cardinals take this one in five. As for the broadcast crew...Steve Lyons really used to get on my nerves...kinda like he was a cut rate Kenny Mayne or something. But he's grown on me a little bit.

Let's play some ball.

No Politics Here

No Politics Here

I just tried to nip a political slapfight in the bud back in the "Cussing" post.

See, I made the mistake of suggesting the our esteemed Vice President should have been docked electoral votes for dropping an f-bomb.

You can't do that nowadays, least of all in the blog world.

[I edited this. I singled Mr. Haws out without really intending to. I apologize for that....]

I'll say this. I'm not going to make any political references for the rest of the election seasons. None. Not even little tiny ones that are only tangentially related the topic at hand. Because neither side is secure enough in their beliefs to just let it go.

Whether it's a harmless comparison between NASCAR and Cheney, or Kerry's resulting from another of Dr. Frankenstein's experiments regarding the undead, the pundit wannabes on either side just can't let it go for what they are: Harmless natterings from a guy (me) who won't watch the debates because they're opposite baseball's playoffs and who won't watch the news because he's too busy watching cartoons in the morning and Friends re-runs in the evening.

(I do that because, to me, it's at least as important whether the Yankees lose as to who the stuffed coat sitting in the White House is for the next four years....No, actually, the whether the Yankees lose is Much more important. Come to think of it, I put the identity of the person in the White House right around the same place in the priority list as the brand of toilet paper I buy.)

So I see this chest-pounding self righteous argumentative namecalling in the name of the political race just about as interesting as if two guys were on the street arguing as to whether Charmin or Cottonelle is the way to go.

Ok, then.

As a final note, if I get any comments explaining why Party A is better than party B, or candidate A is better than candidate B, or even why I should actually give a shit, I'll not only delete your comments, but come to your house and cut you up with a chainsaw.

I'd be up for shooting them....

I'd be up for shooting them...

In a case of even a stopped clock being right twice a day, French officials have okayed a plan that lets some theaters jam cellular telephones inside the theaters themselves.

Hell yes.

Although personally, I'd get more satisfaction from seeing these dipshits hobbled right there in the theater. I'd even stand for an interruption to the 7:15 showing of Mr. 3000 for that. I'd pay extra if I was the one who got to swing the hammer....

Monday, October 11, 2004

Thanks, Chris

Thanks, Chris

Christopher Reeve was the type of guy who made you hope.

There aren't enough people in the world who can do that nowadays.

Saturday, October 09, 2004



You know how Dale Earnhardt Jr. got punished for cussing live on NBC after the NASCAR race last week, right? Basically, Dale told a reporter that winning at the Talladega race last weekend "don't mean shit" in the big picture. For his use of a colorful metaphor, Little E got 25 points knocked off his total points in the chase for the big Nextel Championship Cup.

How big an uproar do you think it'll cause if those 25 points cause Earnhardt to lose that Nextel title?

But NASCAR wants to make its sport more family friendly.

Earnhardt's appealing. This is probably neither here nor there, but why do these sporting bodies even have appeals? I mean, you're not appealing to a power higher than the punishing body in most're appealing to the same people who just punished you.

Back to the point, this whole bit really twists my knickers because, to my knowledge, there's not one person whose brain exploded because Dale said the word "shit." Not one.

What's more, 99% of those watching the race had probably said the word "shit" right at the end of the race, either in terms of "Holy Shit! Dale Won!" or "Shit, Gordon lost again," or "Tony Stewart is a piece of shit!" or some other variation.

(Which reminds me of the only NASCAR joke I know:

Q: Do you know why Rusty Wallace is called Rusty?

A: Because you can't say Shitty Wallace on the radio...)

My contention (causing all the headaches): 'tweren't nobody offended by Dale's use of the expletive. Except those on the lunatic fringe. Even steady, ultra-conservative NASCAR finds themselves catering to these people. Why can't it just be about the rednecks running into each other in stock cars? Why do the seven people who actually give a shit that Dale Jr. cussed on the air get to raise so much ruckus?

Me personally? I'd like to see more cussing on the TV. Maybe TV ought to start listening to my cul-de-sac of moral-think. If TV shows more cussing, the cuss words get out there into the vocabulary enough that they're normal. Let them lose their power, and then there'd be one less thing to worry about, right?

One last thought: Do you think Dick Cheney's glad that happened after his little incident with the F word during the Senate group photo?

I mean, this NASCAR thing sets a precedent.

What if Cheney and Bush had gotten docked electoral votes over Cheney's colorful metaphor?

Sorry boys, Cheney dropped an f-bomb. You lose 8 electoral votes. We'll give them to Nader.

One more last thought (promise):

Here now, a brief listing of some of my favorite cuss/impolite words:

1. Shit
2. Damn
3. Bastard
4. Motherfucker
5. Balls
6. Cheney
7. Crap-in-a-hat.
8. Piss.
9. Son of a bitch (variations: sunovabitch and sumbitch).

There are others, but these are the ones that creep into my speech on a daily basis.

Friday, October 08, 2004

Just a thought

Just a thought?

Is it just me, or have the producers of all these countless reality television shows dropping the ball on Martha Stewart going to prison? Instead of "My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss," can't we have "Martha Stewart's Big Fat Obnoxious Cellmate?"

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Your Bigfoot Update

Your Bigfoot Update

The ash-spewing of Mount St. Helens over the past few days may be of benefit to Bigfoot researchers.

They'll also get more chances for casting due to the phenomenon where Bigfoot sightings going up around times of volcanic instability. Theory is, the sasquatch find their homes rattled by the erupting volcano (I would too, come to think of it), and wander in search of less stressful environments.

More wandering Bigfoot, more chances for Bigfeet prints.

Saw the link at the Boing Boing.



You know, I generally sleep around 6 and a half to seven hours a night. Our group made it back from Atlanta, from the Braves loss in the first game of the playoffs, around 11:15 or so.

I got my typical six and a half hours of sleep, but dragging my behind out of bed at 6:45 this morning, and it was a chore and three quarters. I'm all gorggy and stuff.

Groggy, too.

It's been one of those mornings, too, where the things that normally take you 2 minutes end up taking twice as long.

The four minute shower? Right around 8 minutes.

Brushing the teeth and using the mouthwash and flossing and all that jazz? Normally a couple of minutes, took me right at five.

It took me forever to get dressed.

I decided to forgo my daily recreation the hundred-years war.

The game yesterday afternoon was fun. A good natured crowd, though it couldn't find enough people to fill the stadium. An announced paid attendance of something like 41,464 (we were sitting right below the overflow press area in left field, so we got their P.A. announcements with any significant stats, including attendance).

41,464 paid, but I'd reckon right around 32-34 thousand made it to the stadium.

I wonder now how many of those people not in attendance were people like me who had bought tickets hoping some other team, like the Cubs or Giants, would have been playing in Atlanta.

There were a goodly number of Astros fans there.

I'll write more later, with pictures.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Playoff Baseball

Playoff Baseball

Today, I wander down to Atlanta, that city of the spoiled baseball fans, to see that Houston baseball club play the Braves in the divisional round of the playoffs.

We bought these tickets several days before the end of the baseball season, before the Cubs choked and let the Astros mosey their way into the Wild Card spot. We bought them a couple of days after they went on sale, which is testament to the spoiling of the Atlanta Fans. Try getting a ticket to Wrigley last year. Try getting a ticket to Busch Stadium in St. Looey this year.

But in Atlanta, you get two tickets to a Braves playoff game free with the purchase of $12 in gasoline.

I bit.

No Cubs.

They choked. It's what happens when you swing at the first pitch every at bat, and have a bullpen made up of seven-year-old girls.

But today, we go to Turner Field. We sit next to the visitor's bullpen. We watch the playoffs.

I've never gotten to see Clemens pitch. Maybe I can get him to throw a bat at me.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Super Size Me

Super Size Me

Alrighty. The nice folks at Netflix sent me Super Size Me over the weekend, and I've just taken the opportunity to start watching it. I'm not one who likes to speak ill of movies very much, but this one's boring the hell out of me. I've never been a big documentary person, and that's part of it. But I've decided that I don't like the director/subject Morgan Spurlock a whole lot.

In case you're not familiar with the thing, here's how it works: Spurlock, upon hearing about two obese girls suing the McDonald's company over their condition, decides to embark on a month-long binge of the McDonald's food. To see the ramifications. And he makes a movie out of it.

It sounded interesting, in that human study kind of way. I made an aborted attempt to actually see the movie in the theater back in the summer (aborted because, on that day, I somehow forgot how to tell time).

I got the Netflix people to send me a copy.

Like I said, I'm about halfway in, and it's not doing a lot for me. With the Yankees and Twins getting ready to play here in a couple of minutes, I think I'll turn it off. I don't think I'll turn it back on. So far, the only thing that's really appealed to me is the Wesley Willis song "Rock n' Roll McDonald's."


A pause, so that I might change the channel to Fox.

A couple of thoughts I had from the TV back to the chair:

1.) Like I said, I don't think I like Spurlock a lot. Maybe I'm proving myself to be part of the problem when I say: What kind of pantywaist can't handle a double quarter pounder and an order of supersize fries? Now, I don't make a habit out of eating a double quarter pounder and supersize fries. I'm not a big McDonalds fan. But if it came down to it, I'm confident I could do it with a smile on my face, and do it without puking out the side of the car, like Spurlock did. It seemed a bit melodramatic to me. That did a lot toward affecting my liking of the sandwich, you've never had a 12 ounce steak and a baked potato before? That's, weightwise, roughly equivalent.

(As an aside, I'm finding myself enjoying the sound of the word and name "Spurlock.")

2.) From what I've read, apparently Spurlock came out of the whole thing with dramatically increased triglycerides and a dramatic gain of weight, and decreased liver function and all that jazz. Maybe that's part of my inattention, that I've already read most of the end result. But the whole while I'm watching this, I'm thinking "Duh, Morgan, what does it prove?"

Maybe I need to watch with undivided attention, but I just never really got a grasp of whom (if anybody) Morgan was trying to implicate in the whole process...but I watched him eat three meals a day at Mickey D's, and thought that he's not really proving either party's argument, that "yes it is fast food's fault we're such fatasses" or "no, it's our fault." Because yeah, Spurlock's eating a bunch of fast food, and he's getting fat and unhealthy, but he's doing it of his own free will. McDonald's didn't make him eat it.

Unless they reveal later in the movie that McDonald's did in fact make him eat their food. Under threat of torture.

Like they did that one time, with me. I mean, McNuggets are tasty enough, but I really didn't need to eat 341 of them. I still have impacted styrofoam McNugget poop impacting in my lower intestines, and that little hostage crisis was abated during the Atlanta Olympics.

I joke, but I finish by saying I just didn't like this one very much. Maybe I missed the point...but even if I did, I think I'll just send it back to the Netflix people. (And it's rare that I actually say something negative about a movie here...I try to keep it as positive as possible around these parts, at least where it comes to the movie stuff.)

(Briefly, a couple of other things I got off of Netflix:

I enjoyed Mean Girls very, very much. I've thought Tina Fey's been just about the only bright spot on Saturday Night Live for a couple of seasons now, and I enjoyed both the writing and her performance in Mean Girls. Check this one out, if you haven't already. Easily one of the best comedies this year.

And, Mr. Show season 4 is out on DVD, and I'm moving toward the second disc when it gets here tomorrow. I've seen everything here before, but it's great, smart sketch comedy, and I just couldn't resist.

I like exaggerated exasperation, and Bob Odenkirk is one of the best. The talk show on the life raft sketch is one of my favorites. Can't recommend Mr. Show enough.)

The Playoffs

The Playoffs

Just taking a look at baseball's playoffs, here are my picks, based on nothing but my gut feel (and what an ample gut it is), and (in part) wishful thinking:

Yankees over Twins in 5.
Red Sox over Angels in 4.

Cardinals over Dodgers in 3.
Braves over Astros in 5.

Red Sox over Yankees in 7.
Cardinals over Braves in 6.

Cardinals over Red Sox in 5.

It might be cool.

However, I should note that The Yankees and Cardinals are the two teams in the Majors I hate more than any other. I think it would be an entirely pleasant universal ha ha on Tommy to have these two teams duke it out. Because higher powers like twisting me against my word to make me do things like root for the Cardinals

No, on second thought, that's not entirely true. There is a certain pleasure in watching the two bullies on the block whip the shit out of each other. And I hate the Yankees so much that I don't think I'd have a problem backing the Cardinals should such pairing take place.

Plus, having two teams you hate is better than having two teams in the Series you care nothing about, like what happens for me with the Super Bowl almost every year....

Monday, October 04, 2004

Because I Love Bad Jokes

Because I Love Bad Jokes

Found this one on the Bob and Tom website...incidentally, it seems that the Chattanooga station that carried my favorite morning radio show has dropped them in favor of classic rock (if classic rock means constant Steve Miller) and a second-rate generic DJ named The Beez, or The Duke, or something along those lines...this discovery left me a little ill at ease much of the morning....

A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist.

"Come now," coaxed the doctor, "you've been seeing me for years! There's nothing you can't tell me."

"This one's kind of strange..."

"Let me be the judge of that," the doctor replied.

"Well," she said, "yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and I heard a plink-plink in the toilet; when I looked down, the water was full of pennies."

"I see."

"That afternoon, I went again and there were nickels in the bowl."


"That night," she went on, "there were dimes and this morning there were quarters! You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!" she implored, "I'm scared out of my wits!"

The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"There, there, it's nothing to be scared about. You're simply going through your change."

Sunday, October 03, 2004

The Cubs

The Cubs

I'm having a hard time choking this one down. I got home in time yesterday to see the last half inning of play in the Cubs contention-ending game. Because God likes to tease me like that.

You know, it's easier to force out that "Wait till next year" crap when your team's out of contention in August. But this last weekend of the season choke artist bullshit does nothing for me. I don't know how you Boston people do it. It's a wonder you guys don't have more post offices and fast food restaurants shot up than you do. My team loses in the end every year...AND I have to wait in line behind the guy who can't choose between the Three Stooges Stamps or the Pretty Daisies Stamps?

I'd be in prison.

A brief letter I sent to "the American Dream" Dusty Rhodes last night:


Please tell me whom I must smite. I will smite them. And then you will give the Cubs patience at the plate, and a couple of guys who know how to get on base in front of the big bats, and a bullpen that doesn't act like they're being paid to throw the games.

I think this is an acceptable deal.

If it is Sammy Sosa or Kyle Farnsworth I must smite, I would begin to tithe as well.


Yeah. I try to laugh, because every time I watch "K"orey Patterson or Sammy Sosa or the Moistest Alou swing and miss and strike us out of a game, I feel like a dope. And Mr. Alou swung mightily yesterday.

Any other year, 88 wins would have been a major victory.

The polyannas Sloth likes to fight will prance and shout about two winning seasons in a row.

Fuck all that.

Any other year.